


It's A Bird It's A Plane (no it's ben with giant pigeon wings)

by ShipperTrash140109



Category: Actor RPF, Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Complicated Relationships, Crossover, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Human! Gwil, M/M, Non-Graphic Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Wingfic, ben has wingys, but his names ben, i guess, if that makes sense, like ben is warren, putz with the giant pigeon wings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2019-11-29 09:25:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 26,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18221270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipperTrash140109/pseuds/ShipperTrash140109
Summary: Gwil had been struggling to keep his eyes open up until a sudden crashing and yelling from outside had him jumping to his feet. It had sounded like it came from right out front, and the brunet didn’t hesitate before racing to the window, squinting down towards to poorly lit driveway. Its been steadily drizzling all afternoon, but through the downpour he manages to make out a rather large shape stumbling into his front yard.He felt the air leave his lungs as he watched the shape continue to flail and crawl over the grass, if he didn’t know any better, he would’ve assumed he was crazy for thinking that he saw wings attached to the shape, two huge, flapping white wings. He’d heard rumours about mutant fights, and their shining star attraction, ‘angel’ but up to this point he’d thought they were just that; rumours, but this all suddenly made it a bit too real.akaxmen crossover featuring mutant!ben and human!gwil





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now!
> 
> this is dedicated to the nonnie whom requested some good ol abused angel ben, and whilst i know he isn't technically an 'angel' i just couldn't resist rewriting a harlee xmen au that shall remain buried in my writing folder. this will probably have a couple chapters, so keep an eye out for that. hope yall enjoy
> 
> IM TAKING REQUESTS so feel free to drop one in the comments or on my tumblr!  
> FEEDBACK AND COMMENTS (even the screaming ones) ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED💓💓

Gwil had been struggling to keep his eyes open up until a sudden crashing and yelling from outside had him jumping to his feet. It had sounded like it came from right out front, and the brunet didn’t hesitate before racing to the window, squinting down towards to poorly lit driveway. It’s been steadily drizzling all afternoon, but through the downpour he manages to make out a rather large shape stumbling into his front yard.

He felt the air leave his lungs as he watched the shape continue to flail and crawl over the grass, if he didn’t know any better, he would’ve assumed he was crazy for thinking that he saw wings attached to the shape, two huge, flapping white wings. He’d heard rumours about mutant fights, and their shining star attraction, ‘angel’ but up to this point he’d thought they were just that; rumours, but this all suddenly made it a bit too real.

Then he was careening down the stairs, if this really was an escaped mutant fighter, then they’d need serious help, right now. Gwil’s heart was thumping against his chest as he tore the door open, staring out through the rain at the person, who now lay bent over against the grass, wings making pitiful flicks, like he was either too tired or too hurt to move them. Swallowing his trepidation, the brunet stepped out into the downpour, eyes fixed on what he had established to be a very hurt young man.

Upon noticing the stranger starting towards him, the winged man startled, trying to push himself up to his feet but slipping on the slick grass, his wings beating valiantly as he tried to crawl away from Gwil, the brunet almost choking on his breath at seeing another being so terrified and distressed. But despite the obvious pain, he keeps flapping them, until he manages to get one foot off the ground, a feat that lasts a whopping two seconds before the limbs give out and he falls to the ground with a pained cry, darkness engulfing him moments later.

* * *

He wakes with a start, feeling hands against his wings, the limbs already sensitive enough without someone poking around his wounds. The blond gives a growl, flailing around the deathly sharp spurs adorning the white wings, hoping to hit his attacker, protect himself, do whatever he needs to in order to survive.

Gwil sees it coming, but he still only manages to escape being cut up at the last second as he jumps back, the blond writhing about, getting dangerously close to taking a tumble off the couch. He keeps a distance a moment until the young man gives a pained whine, curling up against the couch, one wing still stubbornly swinging if Gwil gets too close, “shh, I’m trying to help” Gwil urges, raising his hands, showing that he’s unarmed, before gesturing to the little makeshift medical kit on the coffee table, bandages and disinfectant and various creams spread out.

Finally, after looking wearily over the older man, and then the medical equipment, the remaining wing drops against the couch, his face obscured by the white feathers, he doesn’t move as Gwil inches closer, hands full again with the necessary gear. He breaths in slowly as he returns to inspecting the damage, finger tips light and careful against the feathers and near the various cuts and torn feathers. “Are you…were you…” he starts, not sure what to say other than _‘hey, are you being forced to fight to the death in a mutant fighting ring?’._

The blond nods, hissing as he feels Gwil dab at a particularly deep cut near one wings wrist joint, the feathers around it stained red and ragged. “I don’t know how I got out” he whispers through gritted teeth, flinching and the spur giving a threatening flex as Gwil cleans up the wounds, hands gentle but still almost unbearably painful against the sensitive limb. The brunet bites his lip, a pang of guilt washing over him as he covers it in disinfectant and some generic antibiotic, he would bandage it himself, but he’s still weary to do anymore damage to the wings, so he keeps the wrappings next to the blond, just in case he decides to do it himself.

Moving onto the next worse cut, he finds his voice again “you got anywhere to go?” the blond shakes his head, and Gwil isn’t surprised, who knows how long he’s been in the pits, what’s happened to all his friends and family. He can feel tired green eyes on him as he continues to clean and dress (if he can) all the blonds wounds, Gwil can feel his skin heat under the others eyes but doesn’t question the sensation- now is not a time to get all jittery.

Once he’s done, he reaches for one of the few towels he’d collected whilst the ‘angel’ had been unconscious, and he holds it up, nodding towards the younger mans dripping hair. He’s eyed off for a moment, before he receives a nod, Gwil offering a thankful smile before stepping closer and pressing the towel to the wet blond strands, hands scraping over scalp through the towel. He can hear the man hum appreciatively under his touch, leaning up into it like a touch-starved cat, and Gwil smiles to himself, hands soft but thorough as they try and dry the likely cold mans hair.

When he’s done, and the towel is put back down, the brunet is greeted with a head full of frizzy, out of control blond curls, and he chuckles at the look before he even knows what he’s doing, and for a moment he’s scared he’s ruined everything when the younger man pushes a hand through the curls and giggles himself. It’s a sweet sound, and Gwil is relieved to be able to share such a moment with the vulnerable mutant.

He seeks out as many soft blankets as he can, some dry clothes hanging over his shoulder as he returns, though he’s not sure how the other will be able to wear a shirt with wings like that. Actually, all the other clothes go on easily enough, but once they reach the shirt, the blond begs for the item to be cut from him, about to go into a breakdown at the thought of so much as flexing his wings. Once the shirt is gone, Gwil wraps him in the blankets, careful around the bandaged limbs as he helps the younger man get comfortable.

When he’s done, he steps back, teeth worrying at his bottom lip before he speaks up “you could stay with me.”

The man furrows his brow, eyes frozen on Gwil as he presses himself up into the corner of the couch, turning defensive in seconds. “What?” he asks, as if hoping he didn’t hear what he thought he just heard, the single word enough to have Gwil questioning everything all over again.

“Y-you said you have nowhere to go, you could stay here… at least until you’re a bit better” he explains, looking down to where his fingers are worrying the hem of his shirt, he’s nervous, he can’t let this guy leave, he’ll die, Gwil knows he’ll die.

“I don’t even know your name, and how do I know you’re not just going to hand me in? I’m their star attraction I’m sure they’ve got some sort of bounty on me” blondie asks, eyes a cold hard glare, and for a moment it looks like he’s ready to start swinging again.

“My name is Gwil, and I’m not like that- I couldn’t do that, not everyone is out to get you, if I didn’t care I would’ve left you out on that grass, waited for them to find you…” he feels a surge of confidence rise up in him “but I didn’t, so I’d very much like it if you allowed me to help you.”

The blond is silent a moment, chewing the inside of his cheek, deciding, his eyes turn towards the door a moment, before flicking back to Gwil, “you’re a fool.”

“Probably, but my mother taught me never to abandon those who need help, so I suppose this calls for a bit of foolishness” Gwil dared, crossing his arms over his chest, eyes stuck on the winged man, who looks towards the ground, before nodding.

“Alright, it’s not like I have anything except my life to lose…” he sighed, forcing a smile, and Gwil couldn’t blame him for not exactly being over the moon with the whole situation. But then, after a moment, the blond took a long breath in, biting his lip, his voice vulnerable and quiet “my name’s Ben, and thank you”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now!
> 
> welcome back, as a precursor i really dunno where this is going but i'll figure it out as i go along
> 
> also pls let me know what you think of the series, it really helps motivate me

It’s been a couple days since Ben first stumbled into Gwil’s front yard, cut up to all hell and bleeding all over the place. The wounds have been healing quite nicely, it’ll be a while before Ben grows all his feathers back, but for now he wasn’t in too bad of shape.

He’s also not too bad of a housemate if Gwil’s honest- after spending every day either fighting or sitting in a small cage doing nothing, Ben is happy to spend all his time watching TV, preening, or just relaxing- which makes Gwils job (taking care of him) very easy. He can get a little angsty at times, react poorly to questions, act like a bit of a brat, or just tell Gwil to flat out ‘piss off’ (especially when he’s preening- he doesn’t like being distracted at all then), but overall they get along fairly well.

Up until it comes time to check injuries and change dressings; that’s really when things get tense, because as Gwils noticed; Ben has very sensitive wings, which made him borderline psychotic back when they were freshly wounded, but that psychosis has gradually changed into something much more…interesting. “Alright, you know the drill” Gwil mumbled, pulling out his medkit (which had received enough action in a week to last it years) and gesturing to the coffee table- the blond groaning from where he was laid out, eyes stuck to some colourful TV show that Gwil was sure he wouldn’t care about.

But, after a moment of Gwil standing in the way of his view, the angel growled and jumped up, moving to perch himself on the table, spreading his wings out before returning all his attentions to the tv show. Gwil looks at the blonds shirt and sighs- he’d had to cut wholes in a great deal of his shirts for Ben once he realized letting someone as built as the blond walk around the house shirtless was a bad idea, so now half his wardrobe was forever ruined by wing holes. Trying his best to ignore his pilfered and cut up shirt, he looked to the few bandages around the base of the wings, hands gentle as they unwound them, eyes peeled for any blood or signs of infection (the last thing they wanted was for one of Bens wings to rot and fall off), but luckily for everyone involved, all looks good once he takes the bandage off, infact, it looks almost fully healed- give it a few more days and they’d be golden. This is terrific news mostly because as Ben has stated many a time, the cuts around where his wings join with his body ‘hurt like a bitch.’

The other cuts go down the same route, nicely healing, not too red or angry looking, and it’s then when Gwil moves on to inspecting the torn feathers that Ben starts up. At first, it’s just a soft hum as Gwil brushes the newly growing stick feathers, seeing that they’re healthy-looking and not bent or scraggly. Then he starts shuffling about when the brunet runs his hand up along the marginal coverts, seeing if the grazes are fully fixed yet, fingers moving around the feathers, carefully pushing them aside to peek at the skin underneath.

Though, it’s when Gwil runs his hands through the coverts towards the base of Ben’s wing- the spot he can’t quite reach yet, what with the residual stiffness and soreness of the muscles- that the blond really starts moving. Each drag of the older mans fingers leaves Ben shuddering, wings twitching underhand, Gwil bites his lip when he notices the spurs are flinching, flexing like he’s getting ready to strike. Swallowing his nerves, Gwil continues to sort the feathers, continues to make sure everything is in order and that nothing is twisted, but it’s this sorting that pulls a shaky squeak from Ben, the blonds voice high-pitched and impatient when he speaks up “are we done yet? You’ve been messing around back there for ages.”

“Yea, yea we’re done, go back to whatever you were doing” Gwil hums, pulling his hands away from the wings, patting Ben on the arm as he moves towards the study, his brain still buzzing with the sounds the blond had made. It seemed there was a lot more to this wing thing than he’d previously suspected.

* * *

 

“Whatcha doin?” Gwil is a little surprised when he hears Ben’s voice break the silence of the study, so far it had almost been impossible to get him away from the tv, but he shrugs it off, mumbling something about him studying for uni. Ben hums, sitting on the edge of the desk, daringly close to being ontop of Gwils papers. “Anything I’d be interested in?”

“I dunno, you interested in social psychology?” Gwil was kind of hoping he’d somehow scare the blond off, it didn’t take a genius to figure out that Ben was quite…distracting.

“No, not really, but theres nothing on the telly so I've got nothing better to do” he hummed, leaning over to read what Gwil was writing, though after a few seconds he huffed and looked away, not impressed. Gwil thinks he might leave after that, but now theres a hand in his hair, sliding through the strands, pushing it about and parting it in different ways.

“Ben, I’m trying to do work, you’re not helping” he grumbled, batting the hand away, an action that only served to make the blond laugh at him- a sound that made Gwil want to smile, a sound that made his skin tingle.

Ben pulls his hand away, but instead of losing interest and wandering off, he starts straightening up the primary feathers on the wing closest to Gwil, a movement that doesn’t prove too annoying, up until the blond manages to cover the paperwork in feather dust. “Ben, please do that elsewhere, you’re getting my work all dusty!” he whined, trying to move it out of the way of the blond, who groans before finally standing up and moving out of sight, finally, Gwil might be able to get some work done.

Nope, “psychology? Does that mean you can read my mind? Oh! Are you studying because you’re an actual telepath, because that would make things so much easier, wait! Have you been reading my mind? I hope not, that’s a breach of privacy…listen, I’ve shown you mine, it’s only polite to show me yours” Gwil can’t tell if he finds the questions cute or annoying- all he knows is that he can’t let this blondie ruin his study.

“Ben, I don’t have any powers, but I do have a thesis due soon and I really need to work on it, there’s a bunch of dvds in the cupboard below the telly, watch a movie, and then when I’m done, we can hang out. I’m sorry you’re just very distracting” Gwil sighs, begging to all things holy that Ben gives up.

“Alright, alright, I can respect that, I’m leavin’ I’m leavin’” he sighed, trudging out of the room, leaving Gwil with too many thoughts and the feeling of scarred fingers running through his hair.

* * *

 

A few days later, and they find themselves at the coffee table again, Gwil checking bandages and applying all different manner of creams to the few cuts that still hadn’t completely healed. Though, it’s kind of hard to concentrate because Ben has somehow gotten even more sensitive than he had been previous times, now, Gwil can’t even push a single feather aside to check a scratch without Ben quaking against him.

Gwil is trying to unwrap a bandage near the base of Bens wing, fingers dancing across sensitive little feathers when suddenly everything is moving, the blond biting off a moan as he shakes them out, goosebumps ridging his skin for a moment. Gwil furrows his brows, confused but determined to do his job- luckily the cut is actually pretty much gone, so there’s really no need to redress it, and he can move on to helping sort out the mess of secondary covert feathers that Ben s _till_ can’t get to (though he says he should be right in a few days).

Carding his fingers through the soft carpet of white, he takes his time to fiddle with the rows, straightening them, sorting them, and trying his best to ignore how Ben is biting his fist and practically shaking against him. But, when Gwil plunges his fingers down until he can brush skin, the quills knocking against his fingers as he drags down, the feathers falling into their neat rows as he goes. Though he’s brought to a complete stop when Ben actually gasps out, a whispered ‘fuck’ falling from between his lips, Gwil decides he really can’t stay silent any longer.

“Ben, are you okay? You seem a bit…you seem a bit agitated, am I doing something wrong?” he asks, pulling away from the wings, a move that has Ben sighing, the brunet now noticing his skin is a bright shade of pink, slowly, an idea forms in his head.

“I-I’m fine, I’m just very sensitive there…” he whispers, folding his wings tight against his back with a wince, Gwil frowns moving around towards Bens front, his job for today obviously done. It’s then that he notices.

“Oh my- oh, Ben, a-are you? Is this…turning you on?” Bens silence and the caught in headlights look on his face is enough of an answer to leave Gwil gaping “oh, Ben I’m so sorry! You should have said something I feel so bad! I-if you want I could help you” he pauses a moment, swallowing thickly “if you want, I could help you fix that? It was my fault after a-”

He isn’t able to finished, because as he reaches downwards, something happens in the blonds mind, Ben flinches back and now there’s a huge white wing swinging around to cover him, sharp spur flicking, daring him to step closer, “don’t touch me” he snaps, stumbling to his feet, wrapping a wing around his front as he tries to get distance between them, “I know what you’re playing at!” he growls, now moving towards the backyard, and as soon as that doors open the yard is filled with two huge, fully outstretched wings. It’s the first time Gwil is seeing them like this, and the sight is mind-boggling, leaving him standing there gaping as they flap once in preparation before he’s jumping off the ground and they’re carrying him up, up and away.

Scared that the blond had disappeared for good, the brunet races out after him, and after a few panicked moments, he spots movement. The blond had flown up, up and into a huge pine tree near Gwils fence. The brunet felt guilty, really guilty- why the hell had he thought trying to intiate something so intimate with someone fresh out of intense physical violence was a good idea? He probably deserved a spur to the face for it.

“Ben!” he called, craning his neck up to look at the shape at the top of the tree, he called out again and again until Ben growled a ‘what?’ at him, his voice harsh and venomous. “Ben I’m sorry, I shouldn’t of done that, I just felt bad for making you so uncomfortable, I swear I just wanted to help! Please come down before someone sees you!” he begged, voice pleading, his heart beating hard and fast in his chest, if even one wrong person saw him, it would all be over.

“’Just wanted to help’ why don’t you leave me alone?” Ben yelled back, and Gwil shook his head, that wasn’t an option, or rather, it wasn’t up until the blond started pelting pinecones down at him. “Piss off! I don’t want to talk to you!”

Eventually, the pinecones and yelling became too much, even for Gwil, and the brunet sighed, retreating inside, figuring Ben would be less likely to attract attention if there was nobody to yell at around.

He felt horrible, not just for scaring Ben off and upsetting him like that, but for even thinking of doing something like that in the first place. He knew that he was here just to help someone in need, but too often he was finding himself slipping over onto the side of his own desire, Ben was attractive, and it was finally getting in his head, finally becoming a problem. Maybe the giant ticking time bomb of rage and sharp spurs wasn’t the biggest issue in this whole problem.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dang feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now!
> 
> woop woop still don't know what im doing but i hope some of yall appreciate it

It was nightfall before Ben got down, Gwil still awake studying when he heard a rush from outside and then the dull thump of something landing on grass, he peeked his head out as Ben sauntered in, a sour look on his face and a wing hanging looser than the other as he moved- Gwil assumed that was thanks to him likely re-straining an already banged up muscle. Gwil for a moment thought that it served him right, but the thought was quickly disregarded, Gwil was the one blatantly in the wrong here, he let his fixations get the better of him and set Ben off in the process.

He heard a door slam from upstairs- the guestroom, where Ben was sleeping, and he chewed his lip a moment, considering trying to talk to him, try to apologise to him. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, he’d be better off just letting the blond cool down, he can play clean up tomorrow. He felt terrible, he really did, Gwil couldn’t believe he’d done that, had thought it would be okay to do that- even if Ben hadn’t freaked out, after such little time knowing each other, you couldn’t just go around doing that, he should’ve just walked away, should’ve let Ben deal with it himself.

He wondered whether Ben felt the same for a moment, whether it was these feelings that had triggered such a reaction, or whether it really was just the sensitivity of the limbs, of having fingers dragging up through such fragile feathers. He hoped for his own sake and the blonds that it was the latter.

* * *

 

When Ben finally lets himself be around Gwil, he keeps a safe distance, no more hair touching, no more leaning over his shoulder when he’s cooking breakfast and no more ‘accidentally’ bumping into him when he’s carrying glasses (this one Gwil didn’t miss too much). He felt awkward around the blond, and always went to put his hands in his pockets every time they passed. His hands, his stupid reaching hands that got them in this mess in the first place.

They stay at this distance until at last after two days of frigid silence, Ben shuffles up to him, the brunet having been reading a novel for uni on the couch. He felt his brows raise as the blond stopped in front of him, his face was pinched and begrudging, but he spoke hopefully nonetheless. “When I uh, when I flew off the other day, I-I pulled my wing, it’s not feeling very good, I was hoping you could help me put some of that muscle pain stuff on it…I promise I won’t-I’ll behave if you behave” he mumbled, not looking at Gwil as he spoke, and it was then that the older man noticed that one wing still sat a little further out than the other- if he were honest he wasn’t that surprised that Ben went and got himself hurt, but the satisfaction of knowing he knew better was soon turned sour by yet another wave of guilt.

So, there they are on the coffee table-again, Ben this time tense for all manner of different reasons, Gwil can tell he’s still shaken, still on edge from what happened last time, and as the brunet carefully rubbed the ‘muscle pain cream’ into the flesh where Ben’s wings connect to his shoulders, the blond feels so incredibly rigid. Like if Gwil breathes too heavy on him he’ll simply crack and fall to pieces.

Then finally, Ben sighs, trying and failing to relax his shoulders, “I’m sorry- about the other day, y-you were just trying to help, even if it was a stupid move on your part anyway” he huffed, and Gwil can’t even bring himself to feel insulted by the backhanded apology, he just hums, slightly amused actually.

“That’s… that’s fine Ben, I should be the one apologising anyway- like you said, stupid move on my part” he sighs, hesitantly patting the angel on the shoulder, Ben flinching but otherwise tolerating the contact. Baby steps, baby steps. They fall quiet again, Gwil rubbing in more cream to all the other tense spots on and around his wings, Ben’s skin hot under his fingertips, and he relishes the feeling of pressing his hand to him, absorbing him through his fingers. Taking in a deep breath, Gwil stammers a moment “I-if you don’t mind me asking… you don’t have to tell me, I’m just curious- but, why are you so scared of me? Or, well, ‘scared’ isn’t the right word… why don’t you want to be close to me? Why won’t you let me in? It’s just, we’ve been living together, and I’ve been helping you for a while, and I worry about you- I do… again, don’t have to answer.”

Ben hums a sad laugh, as if recalling a memory, before he shrugs, tipping his head to one side, Gwils eye catching on a jagged line running from the nape of his neck to the middle of his trapezius, just seeing it makes Gwils stomach churn. When Ben speaks his voice is sad, hurt “let’s just say… once upon a time, a silver tongue got me in some silver chains.”

It’s cryptic, it’s cryptic and Gwil doesn’t fully understand- or rather, he doesn’t want to understand. When he opens his mouth, his voice is cracked and so damn vulnerable, no more than a whisper “I-I’m not like that… I want the best for you, I don’t know why, and I don’t really want to know why- but I want to help you… I could never hurt you…”

“What?”

“Nothing” Gwil felt his cheeks heat as he finished up, painstakingly aware of how close he was to the feathers at all times, not wanting to bump them, not wanting to rip precious progress to shreds. As the blond gets to his feet, he's careful not to move his wings too much as he does so, before he disappears back up towards his room. Just like that, they were separated again.

Gwil pondered over his words, he was broken, and now it was clear that it wasn’t just because of the fighting; he was scared to care, scared of closeness, letting people in, and Gwil knew it was naïve, but he knew he could fix him, could unwrap the barbed wire encasing his heart. He could be just what the blond needs, and if it didn’t work out perfectly wouldn’t they just make a beautiful mess together?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow look some angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now!
> 
> im sorry these chapters are so short my dear readers, i dunno why im like this, but im trying my hand at slow burn so just stick with me

Even an hour after Ben has locked himself in his room, he can still feel hands against him, against his wings, so gentle, so cautious- it was maddening. He hated that he couldn’t just leave the other, even with his wings on the mend, the idea of abandoning the brunet was terrifying, he’d come to rely on the other for essentially everything. It was this reliance and… other things, that made his head ache at the thought of ever having to leave.

He shouldn’t be feeling what he’s feeling, he knew it was a death-trap, but like the idiot he was, he continued to step closer and closer. Ben bites his lip, squeezing his eyes shut, and on the backs of his eyelids danced threats of sly grins, brave eyes and wandering hands. The blond shook his head, rubbing a hand up over his face to try and vanish the images, to try and clear his mind so he could at last sleep, but then the photos morphed into the glint of guns, the sting of fists, the dull ache of the cold, hard ground coming up to meet him.

A whimper escapes him, and he clutches at his hair, curling up on his side, shaking and heaving for every breath of air he can get. He smacks at his head, begging for anything else, pleading for them to leave, to get out, and just when he’s about to slam his head against the nearest hard thing, the feeling of gentle hands against his wings rises up again, and how for a moment on that damn coffee table he could feel safe, feel looked after.

Ben thinks about soft brown hair under his hands, how Gwil had feigned irritance and bit back a smile when Ben laughed at him, the moment felt like a warm hug as the blond recalls it, and for a second, he feels fine, feels like he won’t be plagued by more dark visions the second he falls asleep. It’s a small miracle, one that he enjoys up until the soothing thoughts of the man in the next room lull him into a sleep, eyelids heavy and the recent dramatics quick to catch up to him.

Though, just as he feared, it isn’t long before sweet silence is fractured by ghostly shouts, his vision blurry and distorted a moment until all he can see is a bright lick of raw electricity, a glowing bulb on the end of a stick, and then the bone-rattling shock that follows, a warning. He can hear their shouts, though they sound far off, it’s still almost deafening, _get him get him get him, if you can’t get him then what use are ya? Fight you useless cur!_ Zap, fall down, get up, beg, zap, fall down, get up, beg, zap over and over again. A continuous cycle that didn’t end until he turned to the cowering shadow in the corner, body buzzing and teeth chattering in his skull, everything burning and vision photonegative.

Everything aches, and it’ll ache for days, but as he stumbles closer and closer to the shape in the corner, he can taste neglect, can taste being left alone, being broken but so free in doing nothing. Then, as he comes to stand in front of the victim, wings out and fists itching, an angel of death, their eyes meet, and they’re blue- a bright shock between the mess of blacks and whites and now Ben can’t breathe, he’s choking on his own breath.

Then he’s jumping up, choking on air and clawing at his sides, no welts, no bruises, no cuts, no scratches from desperate nails fighting for survival- it was all in the past, he was safe. Though, it wasn’t this concern for his own safety that has him careening out of his room and towards Gwil's- blue eyes, bright blue eyes outlined in tears and the shape of a backboneless murderer prepared to do whatever, whenever to catch himself a moments respite.

He slams the door open and hardly hesitates for even a second before jumping onto the bed, Gwil startling awake and shoving his hands out towards Ben, groaning and yowling in confusion at the person currently on top of them. Ben doesn’t pay much mind to the struggles, his hands patting all over the other, looking for anything, any sign of injury at all to bring his mirage of domestic bliss crumbling down at once.

“I’m scared, I don’t want to, I’m not like that, don’t make me, don’t make me, don’t make me” he sobs, hands still scrabbling at clothes and eyes now running freely with tears, he’s shaking and must look like a psycho but Gwil is okay, he has to be okay. “I’m not like that, please I’m not like that!” he chokes, wrapping his arms around the dazed and confused brunet, who thankfully falls quickly into brave protector despite having woken up five seconds ago.

The blond is wrapped in strong arms, and all he can breathe in is Gwil as he holds him, drowning in the other, completely consumed by the warm safety of his embrace. He can’t control the begging and pleading that continues to slip from between his lips, trying to convince both nobody and everybody that he’s not who they all say he is.

“You’re alright, you’re alright, I’m here, I’m not gonna make you do anything” Ben could hardly hear Gwil through the hacking sound of his own sobs, he buried his face further into the brunet’s shoulder. “Alright maybe let’s just slowly sit up now, don’t wanna hurt those wings of yours, that’s it” he eased, slowly manoeuvring them into a sitting position, holding Ben against his chest, hands softly carding through thick blond curls, his other hand firmly planted on his lower back, holding him up, without it Ben would likely collapse.

“I’m sorry, I’m- I shouldn’t, this isn’t” Ben felt stupid, and misleading, he’d all but lost it at Gwil the other day for trying to touch him (even if it was in a much more intimate way than this) and yet now here he was, falling apart in his arms, craving affection and comfort. He grit his teeth and clutched at thick biceps, scared he’d start crying for a whole different reason.

“Stop, just stop, god knows you’ve been through enough to warrant a cry, let it out Ben” the brunet ordered, the demanding undertone so similar yet so different, it made Ben both want to melt and freeze. With no more than a whine for a response, they sat there, Gwil holding Ben and the younger man trying to snuff the toxic visions out with the smell of Gwil, the feel of Gwil, the sound of Gwil- like a fire-blanket, the roiling churn of his mind the flames threatening to swallow him whole.

At some point, he ran out of tears, and everything was reduced to a dull, numbing ache- his head filled like it was filled to the brim with cotton wool, and all he could focus on aside from the ache was how heavy he felt. When he finally wriggled free of strong arms and fell onto the mattress, he didn’t even think twice before curling up into the others warm side.

When he woke lord knows how much later, his eyes, aside from feeling gritty and throbbing, were quick to fall upon the sleeping face of the man beside him. Swallowing thickly, Ben let his gaze sweep over the sleep-smooth features, all it could translate in his head to was s _afe._

Gwil was safe, and for the first time in much too long; so was Ben. But then, the sleeping face flashed to a screaming one, a terrified one. Ben jumped back with a gasp, before scrambling out of the bed, maybe he didn't deserve safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to drop a comment or request down below, or hmu on my [tumblr](https://hardleeharlee.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what to do when you can't write slowburn??? MORE ANGST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now! this is not based on real life and is merely a fictitious event
> 
> OKAY I PROMISE THE ANGST IS NEARLY OVER!!!!

When Gwil woke, the bed was empty and all traces of last night were gone, Gwil bit his lip as he looked around the room- surely he hadn’t been dreaming? You can’t dream up something like that! It had felt so real- sounded so real. Ben had needed him, and Gwil had been there to help, the blond had actually seeked him out! The brunet hoped to everything holy that such a miracle hadn’t been a hopeful figment of his imagination.

Gwil takes a moment to steel himself before he makes his way downstairs, now genuinely scared that he’d made everything up, that he was so desperate to be needed and depended on that he would fill his head with visions of grandeur. Swallowing a forming lump in his throat, Gwil could hear the hum of the telly growing louder and louder, punctuated by the mumbles of the blond the closer he got, he wondered whether he’d have to bring it up, would Ben deny it ever happened? Would he apologise and try and escape? Would he tell Gwil it was nothing, a mistake? The idea of having such a tender moment ripped to shreds made the brunet's heart ache.

Though, it soon becomes the last of his worries when he takes in the scene in the loungeroom- Ben is splayed out on the couch, barely conscious by the looks of things, around him lay empty bottles and whatever liquor Gwil had leftover in his cupboards. Lungs void of oxygen, Gwil crosses the room in a few steps, falling to his knees in front of the couch, a hand against Ben's cheek. “Ben! Ben what the hell did you do?” he asked, panicked, tapping at a flushed cheek, the angel groaning and swatting at him, ‘piss off’ slipping sloppily from his lips, “Ben, why did you do this?” he repeated, eyes flicking around to the bottles.

“Bad dreams wouldn’t fuck off, this sure showed em…you were great and all, but you make me feel too many things” he explained, talking slowly and barely coherent at times. The taller mans heart hammered, hands shaking, this was his fault, how was this even his fault? _Should’ve been there more, should’ve made sure he was okay and safe instead of falling asleep, stupid stupid stupid!_

“This is- you shouldn’t have done this, this wont fix anything” he breathed, prying a half empty bottle from his hands, trying not to gag from the smell of the blond alone, “do you feel sick? Stupid question, you just drank my whole liquor cupboard” Gwil sighed, trying to roll Ben onto his side, before running off to fetch a bucket. He should’ve seen something like this coming- the self-destruction, Ben was rife with emotional trauma, it had to bubble to the surface eventually.

When he returned to the couch, Ben hadn’t moved, but he was falling asleep, and all of Gwil’s worries bubbled to the surface again, the brunet tapping him awake. “thfuck you wan’? Jus let me sleep, like to see the dreams try and fight the amount of booze I jus’ had… stupid fuckin brain, acting like I don’ know how this is endin anyway” he grumbled, rubbing a hand over his face, wings beating in annoyance, though it was all over the place, and Gwil barely dodged the spur in time.

Gwil could feel a question on the tip of his tongue, begging to be asked but common sense and not wanting to further upset the blond kept him quiet. At least, until Ben took the words straight from his mouth. “You wan know how this all ends?” he asks, and Gwil shakes his head, saying _no, no don’t Ben_ but the winged younger man ignoring him. “This ends one of two ways; we both get killed, or I end up back in a cell and you end up in a body bag- caught in the crossfire they’ll say… unless I run away, unless I save you by fucking off to some dark corner to die in peace in…”

“Hey! No, stop saying that rubbish, none of us are going to die, they haven’t found us yet, have they? It’ll stay that way if you can avoid doing reckless stuff like this” he sighed, hesitantly moving to sit on top of the couch, next to Ben's head, eyes watching him vigilantly, as if at any second the blond could flip out again.

“You’re such an idiot, you should’ve left me outside, ousside in the rain, maybe the lord would’ve given me hypothermia; died before anyone could get me- wouldn’t that have been helpful?” he mumbled, shuffling forward so that he could reach the bucket easier if need be. Gwil furrowed his brow, swallowing thickly, he hated listening to the blond talk like this, hated hearing what fate had done to this poor, poor angel boy.

“Shush, that’s enough of that, I would never have left you out there, and I’m not letting you leave easy either, you’re stuck with me, Ben, you’ll find me quite hard to get rid of I can assure you that” he stated, wiggling over until he could slide a hand into the thick blond curls, the movement hesitant at first, until Ben hummed and moved up into the touch, craving it. Given that copious amounts of cuddling and comfort had been half the reason they’d ended up here, he was hesitant to do too much, step too far, even if his whole being yearned to.

This was just another reason why his feelings could never come to fruition, could never be considered a good idea for either of them. Because even if somehow the intimacy didn’t send Ben into downward spiral of self-destruction and paranoia, then it would make everything so much more difficult in the end, when they eventually have to part ways- or rather when Gwil has to present the choice to part ways. At the end of the day, Ben was doing what he had to survive, he’d been doing that for a long time now, and something told Gwil that if the blond thought that leaving was the best choice- he would.

“I don’t trust the caring, charming types like you, you always think they’re in it for you until they’re not” Ben drawls, though he doesn’t move away from Gwils hand, the brunet feeling a flash of annoyance rise up in him, after everything, _everything-_ all the drama, the worry, the seemingly constant threat of being found and attacked by whomever had been keeping Ben- the blond could still only see someone else in the older man.

He didn’t say anything, he bit his tongue, he knew that right now in the state he was in, everything Gwil said would fall on deaf ears. Gwil knew the second he opened his mouth he wouldn’t be able to stop himself, he’d talk and talk and talk until it eventually became shouting and then crying, he’d be more of a mess than Ben is right now, and the brunet could tell that if that happened, the younger man would likely have no reservations either running off or locking himself in his room for days.

“Oh god, oh fuck” Ben groaned, and Gwil barely had seconds to move before the blond was lurching forwards, throwing his guts up into the bucket, it stunk but Gwil didn’t move, he stayed where he was, patting Ben on the back as he threw up.

“That’s it, better out than in” Gwil hummed with a grimace, now confused as to how such a vertically challenged person could have so much to throw up. Although, to be fair, he had drained Gwils whole liquor cupboard. “Jesus, you’re going to be ten kilos lighter by the end of this” he pointed out, stroking a hand over the blond strands until finally, Ben groaned, rolling back onto his side, wiping at his mouth, he felt clammy and looked like pure shit for the first time ever, but Gwil was just glad he was getting it all out.

“Be quiet, you’re the reason I’m here in the first place- making me question shit and feel shit” Ben growled, spitting into the bucket and shuddering. Gwil bit back a smile, despite not quite knowing whether to be glad for the comment, he was relieved that the blond was already getting back a little bit of his fire.

“Alright, I’ll take that, and I’ll also be the reason you’re going to eat and drink w _ater_ until you can’t bear another mouthful.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now!
> 
> i still dont know what im doing but im getting impatient with the slow burn now

Sometime after Gwil tried to get Ben to drink and eat (to save him from a killer hangover at some ridiculous hour tonight) he dragged the blond to his room and helped him into bed- he’d vomited up most of the liquor, but the brunet reintroduced the bucket anyway, making sure Ben was comfortable and not in immediate threat of dying before leaving to go about his day. He was meant to go out to buy some essentials, but now that Ben had thrown that stunt, he’d have to leave it till tomorrow.

So, he spent the rest of the day checking on Ben and doing some uni work- basically the usual, until several hours went by, and the house was suddenly filled with a loud groan, Ben was awake. Upon entering the room, he found the blond flinging himself over the bed to empty his stomach into the bucket, Gwil wrinkling his nose before telling Ben he’ll get him something for the headache.

He returns a few moments later with some water and Panadol, helping Ben sit up to take them. If Gwil thought he looked a mess drunk, he looked tragic with a hangover. “Hate to say I told you so, but you shouldn’t have drank my whole drinks cupboard” Gwil sighed, watching the blond throw back the tablets, wincing as he swallowed. “Alright, stay there, I’ll make you something to eat, might make you feel better” he ordered, helping Ben back under the covers before disappearing again.

Once Ben’s eaten and has a bottle of water on the nightstand, Gwil is closing all the curtains and making sure everything is nice and dark when he hears a weary voice arise from the bed. “I didn’t know I could feel so bad for so many different reasons, fuck” he groaned, Gwil frowning- this kid really couldn’t catch a break, could he? Gwil wanted to point out it was all Ben’s own doing, that he was up struggle street so much because of decisions he made (even if these poor decisions were brought on by uncontrollable factors) but decided that he’d rather not stir the blond up anymore.

“Alright, if you’re all set, I’ll be downstairs” Gwil mumbled, turning towards the door, though he only got a few steps before Ben made a noise of disagreement.

“Wait, Gwil wait, come back” Ben grumbled, reaching a hand out to beckon him back, the brunet biting his lip before coming back to him. The blond sighed, rubbing a hand up over his face, “I’m sorry I’m such a mess… I know you’re doing way more for me than I deserve and I’m sorry for being so difficult- you should’ve thrown me out ages ago but you haven’t… I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me- I really appreciate you, at the risk of sounding lame you’re probably the closest I’ll get to a guardian angel.” For a moment, Gwilym is speechless, not sure where this has all come from, and he stammers for a few long seconds, not really sure how to respond to the blonds shockingly appreciative words.

“Th-that’s- you’re welcome, I never really saw not helping a choice… even when we weren’t… getting along” he chuckled a moment, and Ben wore a smile that could’ve passed as a pained grimace. “I appreciate you not running away yet, makes my guardian angel job much easier” he added, and the two shared a look of thanks, before Ben pressed his eyes closed, rolling onto his other side to face Gwil, jaw clenching and unclenching as he mulled over his next words.

“Could you… stay with me? I promise I won’t freak out about it later, I just- I dunno, please?” Ben asked, voice small and scared, eyes dodging the brunet, and Gwil felt a painful tug at his heart, he’d fallen into the closeness trap before, but just like the previous times, he was caving and nodding, inhaling long and slowly before excusing himself to go get the book he’d been reading.

He also took the moment to calm himself, to get his mind back together- he hoped to god that this wasn’t a test or a trick, feeling something for Ben had gone from a forked path to a labyrinth and if it got anymore complex he feared his heart would give out. “Oh Gwil, you’ve really gotten yourself in a doozy this time” he sighed, pinching at the bridge of his nose and taking a deep breath before starting back up towards Ben’s room. Who knows what would happen in the moments that followed him entering that room.

He starts towards the chair in the corner but doesn’t get anywhere near before Ben is calling him onto the bed, the taller man swallowing thickly, feeling uneasy purely for the sake of the blond. He didn’t want to think about what would happen if Ben decided he wasn’t ready for something like this again, if they were scared away from each other again. Sitting on the opposite side of the bed, Gwil pressed his back to the pillows, shoulders against the headboard, he spared a smile at Ben- who was staring up at him with big, round green eyes- before looking back to his book. This was fine, Ben was over there, Gwil was on the other side, plenty of space, the blond wouldn’t feel claustrophobic, nothing could go wrong- this was fine.

Though, for some reason, Ben was moving, shuffling closer and now Gwil was freezing up, petrified of doing the wrong thing and scaring him off. He’d thought Ben would just stay on his side of the bed, being on the same furniture being close enough for the cagey man, but apparently, he was wrong, and now Ben was still moving closer and closer.

Ben didn’t stop until he could squeeze in to lay between Gwil’s legs, a position that had the brunet tensing right up, very concerned as to where this might be going. He hated the thoughts in his head and he almost cheered out when Ben merely laid his head against the older man’s stomach, using him as a pillow. Thick arms pressed against Gwil’s sides, wings fanned out across the bed, feathers brushing his legs. The brunet had his arms raised, clutching the book like a lifeline. He was confused and nervous, and kind of expecting Ben to shy away after a few seconds, but then he didn’t, and slowly Gwil lowered them, easing against the blond, maybe this wasn’t so bad.

He managed to focus back on the book, eyes flicking between the words and the angel boy trying to keep his eyes open. Hesitantly, Gwil let a hand fall to rest against the back of his head, fingers lacing into thick blond curls, he worries for a moment that it’s too much (which sounds a bit silly considering the circumstances), but then Ben hums appreciatively, leaning up against the contact. Biting back a smile, Gwil continues to read, one hand filled with the book and the other with the angel’s hair.

When he thinks Ben is well and truly asleep, the only movement an occasional flick from his wings, which feel soft and protective covering them, shielding them from everything outside of this room, Gwil sighs, letting his hand drop enough to drag a thumb over Bens cheek. “Look at us, pair of idiots” he sighs, chuckling to himself, he knew it was foolish for them to be so close, whether it be for Ben’s comfort or for the sake of keeping a distance from someone who could be killed or kidnapped any moment.

He almost jumps out of his skin when Ben hums “then I guess I’m moronsexual.”

“Wait, what?”

The bastard’s already asleep by the time he clocks into the comment.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> look at all those feathers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now!
> 
> we back

“Benjamin, we’re going out”

“Sorry, the only man in my life right now is Robb Stark, and you do realise that what you just said is completely irresponsible and could result in loss of life or limb? C’mon Gwil you’re supposed to be the logical one here” Ben tsked, looking back to the TV, Gwil rolled his eyes, he really needed to enforce a screen time restriction at some point.

The brunet moved in front of him, somewhat obscuring the screen and earning himself a death glare, “I know, I know, but I feel so bad leaving you locked up in the house all day, I don’t want you get all Stockholmy on me or something, also I don’t think it’s good for your wings to be all inactive like you’re being. I used to go on runs at this national park and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone out where I go, I reckon if you’re quiet and sensible, you could go for a little fly!” Gwil explained, feeling excitement buzz in his belly, this plan had been on his mind for a whopping day and already it was the best plan he’d ever come up with.

“That’s a dumb plan that could go terribly wrong but I’ve kind of forgotten what fresh air smells like- that and I think you’ll get me there even if I don’t want to” Ben sighs, turning the TV off with an unneeded flourish, before standing himself up, grumbling about going to get changed. Gwil jumped back, almost receiving a direct wing to the face as the blond went, something told him it wasn’t entirely accidental.

Gwil was a mix of really scared and really excited to get Ben out of the house- because whilst he knew it was risky and dangerous, he also felt that it was what the blond needed, otherwise how was Gwil’s house any different to the cage he’d previously been kept in? Also, it was beginning to feel a little suspicious, what with Ben slowly warming to him, thoughts of Stockholm syndrome running rife in Gwil’s mind, he didn’t want that for either of them, he wanted the best for Ben. So, if that meant risk it for the biscuit, then he supposed he just had to do it.

He hadn’t been lying when he said the place he went jogging was barren, he’d never seen anyone out there, considering it was a very thickly forested area with less pathways than other areas, he couldn’t blame others avoiding it. But Gwil never liked the pristinely plucked and manicured parts of the park, so he was more than willing to go a little rough for a proper jog. He just hoped nothing had changed since his previous visits, lord knows they needed the isolation now more than ever.

Getting Ben into the car with huge wings is a little tricky, especially with all the complaining he does, and it’s made only more tedious when halfway through the manoeuvre, Ben resorts to full-on hissing at Gwil if he makes a single bad move. Not for the first time, Gwil is relieved to have a garage. “Alright, everything in? All feathers and limbs accounted for?” the taller man asks with a sigh, Ben grumbling with a nod, the brunet rolling his eyes before slipping into the driver’s seat, “now, when we get there, you need to slip the hoodie on, can you do that? It’s a couple sizes too big for you so it should cover most of your… appendages” Gwil explains slowly, Ben nodding, and despite the fact that he’s still sulking over the ‘getting into the car’ fiasco, Gwilym can tell he’s silently excited for being back out in the world, even if only for a moment.

“So, are we really safe in this spot? We’re not going to get shot or attacked by badgers? Nobody is going to see us and try to get us?” Ben asked, slumping down in his seat, covering his wings with a blanket, the little bumps peeking up behind his shoulders making Gwil anxious, his lip caught between his teeth as he nods. He knows he should remain calm, especially when driving, but now that they were on their way and dedicated to the plan, all the flaws started to out themselves in his mind.

“Trust me, Ben, I’ve been there plenty of times, never seen a soul or a badger- for that matter! If we stay quiet and stay quick, everything should go smoothly...” he trailed off, considering his words a moment. “I want you to enjoy yourself, alright? I’ve been feeling like I’ve got you caged up again, you’ve gone from one cell to another- yea this one has a TV and someone to run around after you, but a cage is still a cage. I want you to feel free, Ben, even if it’s a little bit difficult” Gwil added after a moment, carefully saying each word like one slip in his tone could make this whole operation blow up in their faces.

Ben doesn’t respond, but when Gwil chances a look in the rear-view mirror, he can see the blond’s lips curl upwards, mouthing a thank you as he peeks out the window, and that, well that’s just bloody fantastic.

They drive in silence for the rest of the way, the only noise being the music filling the space, Gwil trying to focus on the tune rather than the shitstorm inside his brain of all the different ways this plan can go south. He knows he’s probably overdramatising everything- that Ben will likely get a nice little fly in, stretch his wings and go home with a big grin, that Gwil will feel like a saint for bringing such happiness to the angel, and that it’ll be a strong step in the right direction. But still the worries and nerves bite at him, the sensation only getting worse once they pull up and Ben starts wriggling his wings into the hoodie.

Gwil is shaking like a leaf in the bloody wind and somehow Ben, the one with the most on the line, is chipper enough for the both of them as he finally gets his wings under control, clambering out the car and starting along the path. His wings make a strange, bulky outline underneath the fabric of his jumper, and Gwil is sure he can see them flap and twitch with every few steps, further making their existence obvious. Gritting his teeth, the brunet runs to catch up, his hand finding Ben’s elbow and leading him along, “gets a little confusing really quickly, stay with me.”

Ben hums, eyes wide as he takes in all the trees and vegetation- all the colours and smells he’d been barred from for much too long. Gwil smiles to himself, shuffling the blond along, they’re nearly there, but until they’re out of the open, the younger mans daydreaming will have to wait.

Past all the anxiety and worrying, Gwilym can’t wait to see Ben fly- actually fly, to take off and do what he’s meant to do, born to do. To be able to fly without the threat of injury or abuse, even to leave, if he wants to… Gwil shook his head. This is a happy day.

Eventually, the woods start to thicken, and all signs of human activity vanish, Gwil flicks his eyes around them keenly, all his senses directed towards any sign of others, and it’s only when he’s checked, double-checked, triple-checked and repeated those checks that he finally let’s go of Ben. The blond steps away at once, neck craned upwards, eyes squinting at the canopy, there’s a lot of trees, but if Ben’s a good flier, the obstacles will be no worry for him. Turning to look at Gwil, Ben flashes a wordless grin- he’s speechless, and then he’s yanking the hoodie off, chucking it towards Gwil. At once, his wings span out, feathers shuddering and shoulders rippling under his shirt. Gwil steps back, once again left in awe of the limbs, eyes glancing over the speckled feathers, so strong now despite once being so fragile. He barely has a moment to process the sight before there’s a loud swooping sound and the blond is off, throwing up a mess of leaves around himself.

In seconds he’s already twisting through the trees, at times almost colliding and giving Gwil a heart attack on the ground. “Ben, please be careful! My heart can’t handle it” Gwil called up, watching with baited breath as the blond cut around sharp corners, ducked and weaved and dived, wings sure and steady despite likely being a little stiff from inactivity.

The brunet looks away as Ben does an honest-to-god barrel roll, whooping with a mad cackle as he swerves a tree. Gwil swears he can’t breathe, and that this angel is going to be the death of him. “Oh my god, what did we say about responsi-BILITY FUCK TURN, TURN, JESUS” Gwil had been doing alright up until Ben banks hard, almost taking off straight towards a tree.

“Calm down, old man, I know what I’m doing!” Ben groans, hovering above him, leering down at him and smirking a moment before diving backwards, Gwils heart in his throat as he again winces. The blond laughs at him but does nothing to help the brunet’s mental state, continuing to dive and swoop and bank harder than a fucking fighter jet. “You can’t bring me out here to fly and get upset when I fly, that’s not how it works” Ben calls down, plopping himself down atop a branch, gripping the trunk, his chest heaves and wings quiver with exertion, but the breathless smile on his face is enough to overpower Gwil’s worry for a few seconds.

“I’m not trying to restrict you, I just don’t want you hurting yourself!”

“I’ve been doing this for years, I know how to fly, just close your mouth and enjoy the spectacle” Ben orders, before jumping off again. Gwil presses his mouth into a fine line, he knows the arrogance is coming from overexcitement, but it still wears at his nerves. He continues to watch with a grimace, flinching every time Ben manages a close call with becoming one with a tree trunk.

At last, Ben slows down and starts to slowly ease himself lower and lower towards the ground, hovering a moment, feet a few centimetres from brushing dirt. When he speaks his voice is mischievous and a little cocky, “what will it take to wipe that sour little frown off your face?”

Gwil chews the inside of his cheek, torn between sulking at being told off and humouring the blond, he settles on a middle ground, “your guess is as good as mine.”

Though, it doesn’t really have the desired effect of moving Ben on, no. instead, the blond sways closer, their eyes meeting and a cheeky little grin on the blond’s face as he grows closer. His eyes flick downwards and Gwil is suspicious, his feet rooted to the spot, skin tingling for reasons he wasn’t yet sure of.

“Shame” Ben huffs, before he gives a great heave, and Gwil is smothered by a tidal wave of dried up leaves. By the time he’s fought the mess off, Ben is back up in the canopy, all problems lifted from his shoulders, and likely dropped on Gwil’s instead.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay a few more chapters of cute shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now!
> 
> okay so thanks to a reminder from one of you, i remembered there's actually a plot to this, and i apologise for forgetting that part as of recent (im just trying my damndest to keep it slow burn) BUT after a few more chapters things will begin the hit the fan, so have fun waiting for that

It’s late at night, they’re both sat on the couch, steaming mugs of tea in hand and some TV show melting their brains when Gwil is suddenly spilling his heart out to the blond. He isn’t sure where it’s coming from, maybe seeing the wrinkles in the couch from Ben’s wings or seeing how the younger man’s eyes lit up when he was handed the tea, or maybe it was just how his cheeks creased when he laughed at a lame joke. He wasn’t sure, and something told him he didn’t need to know.

“Y’know, no matter what, you’re safe here, I’d never let anything happen to you in this house… you’re… you’re important to me now, feels like we’re kind of a family, and I- I don’t really have much of that,” he started, inhaling shakily as he spoke, running his thumb repeatedly over the handle of his mug, eyes stuck on the milky surface of the tea, he feels vulnerable, but he decides it’s a good feeling. “I just want to let you know that you’re free to go anytime you want… you’re looking a lot better, you’re a lot stronger as well. Just, if you ever want to leave, leave, you don’t even have to come back, do whatever you want, be free, stay with me, do whatever you want” Gwil then explained, a lump forming in his throat, trying not to linger on ‘stay with me’ as he spoke.

He knew he’d have to say it eventually, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt still, he hates the idea of Ben leaving- he does, he’d come to think of the blond as a companion, a friend…even if things could at times get rocky and the circumstances weren’t ideal, that’s what family was for; sticking around through thick and thin. Suddenly, he’s talking again, “it’s just… I care for you, Ben, I really do, and I’m so- so _happy_ that I can help you, even a little bit. I know we’ve both been a little dumb at times but you’re better and that’s all that matters.” It feels like he’s just run a marathon, the air feels so thin and his heart is seizing in his chest, almost like Ben would rather die than empathise with him.

Luckily, this fear is soon debunked, because when Gwil looks up, all he can focus on is the grin on the blond’s face, his hair hanging around his head like a golden halo subtly lit by the glow of the TV. He looks stunning. When he speaks, he sounds genuine, and it feels like both a slap in the face and a warm hug, “well, you’re the only help I’ve had for way, way too long… I dunno what I would’ve done without you- hate to think what might have happened if you hadn’t put your neck on the line… thank you, thank you so much, Gwilym.” To hear his name on the others tongue sends a jolt up the brunet’s back and he bites the inside of his cheek to hide the huge maniacal grin threatening to break loose.

“I told myself I couldn’t trust you- that you were too sketchy, too convenient… I was wrong, I’ve known for a while I was wrong, but I kept convincing myself that every moment too close to you, too real with you was just another step through a minefield,” Ben sucked in a long breath, blinking rapidly for a moment, neither of them were prepared to keep going but that didn’t stop them. “You’re not sketchy, you’re not too convenient, you’re someone I care about, someone I actually trust. It’s scary and I feel like I’m waiting for the guillotine to drop- I’m waiting for it to be all over in a second, thrown back in the birdcage- but a big part of me knows I can trust you, you’re the real deal, and it’s hard to accept, but I’m getting there. You’re crucial to me, Gwil, and I mean that.”

Gwil couldn’t breathe, and neither could Ben, they sit there staring each other, tears in both their eyes for completely different reasons. The blond bites his lip, chuckling in disbelief a moment “I don’t even know if I want to fucking leave- if I could leave” he sounds terrified of the aspect, and the taller male understands completely, and it makes his chest ache.

“You don’t have to stay, you don’t have to go- I just don’t want you thinking you’re being forced to do anything… I don’t want you in another cage” Gwil explains, raising his hand, the action only lasting a few seconds before he catches it, hand hovering, fingers shaking before he pulls it back and presses it to his mug. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to fully convince himself that Ben is doing anything for purely his own benefit, and the brunet hates the thought, hates that anything Ben does could be because of him. Ben is his own person, and after being locked up and abused, he deserved to fly free. Gwil wondered if free would even be enough to please him, convince him Ben was happy.

“I promise I can make my own bloody decisions, Gwil… no matter what parts of my brain tell me, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to stay, wanting to be near you. You’re the only person I have, you’re the only one I could trust, ever, you’re my freedom. Fuck,” his tears have spilt by this point, and he wipes madly at him, these were the first good tears they’d had, and knowing that only made Gwilym even more of a mess. They were both giggling and their own dramatics, and the room was filled with the light, sniffly sound of their hysterics, Gwil looked at Ben and the blond looked back, this was all he’d ever need.

Gwil feels a question dancing on the tip of his tongue, begging to be asked, kicking and screaming at his voice box to be let free. He’s scared, scared of ruining all of this with just one sentence, one crucial question that could either solidify or tear down this whole evening. His hands itched to reach out and hold him, cradle him and whisper all manner of promises into the soft golden curls, hold him against his chest and stroke soft wings, feel the shiver that runs down his back, hush his little giggles and squeaks.

“Can I hug you?” he asked, the words slipping free of their own accord, and his eyes were widening, heart giving a painful quake in his chest. He wipes at his watery eyes, sniffling as he prepares to disappear, crawl into his bed and bathe in embarrassment. He can’t even bear to look at the blond, he knows it’s all over.

What he expects is a solid no, a walk out maybe- what he _doesn’t_ expect, is to feel his tea plucked from his hands and placed on the infamous coffee table, before his arms are suddenly full of angelic blond. “Yes, yes you fucking can” Ben says shakily, his arms wrapping around Gwil’s neck, the latter’s hands falling against his lower back. When he breathes, he breaths in Ben and his head spins, arms encasing him, holding them together. The blond’s arms feel strong and thick against him, and when they’re wrapped that tightly around his neck, he feels so fragile, it’s a strange sensation to find enjoyable.

“Careful of the wings” Ben warns as the brunet’s hands slide up his back, thumbing over the jutting line of his spine, Gwil humming in acknowledgement, he’d be steering well clear of those, they’d gotten him in enough strife in the past. He doesn’t ever want to let go of the blond, and he’d happily drown in him, lay there squeezing until he can’t breathe, and his arms feel full of jelly. But he supposed five minutes could do as well.

“You know, you’ll have to tell me the story about those sooner or later, I can’t avoid them forever.”

“I’ll tell you one day, just not right now, too busy hugging you.”

Gwil couldn’t argue with that logic.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nearly at the angst i swear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now!
> 
> okay okay okay im probably being annoying now because the plot has seemingly disappeared but i promise shit heats up soon!! also for those wanting gwil to be evil i dont think you're going to be in luck, sorry lads!

The air is as clear and the forest as empty as it was the last time they were out here. Gwil had worried perhaps things would change as they always so mercifully did, but he’d been wrong; it was peaceful, it was perfect. Ben’s already sailing through the trees, hands brushing the bark and body blocking out the sun as he went. He’d jump from tree to tree, kicking off the trunk and leaping gracefully towards the next, wings propelling him the extra distance, it was a bit dorky, but Gwil enjoyed watching anyway.

 

Things were going well- very well. Ever since their little heart-to-heart they’d been gelling so well with each other, and for the first time since Ben entered his home, the brunet can let himself feel at ease, can let himself relax and not worry about setting anything off. He wished he’d done it sooner, wished he hadn’t danced around having ‘the talk’ and even though he still didn’t know the full story, or what was done to him in the birdcage, he knew a hell of a lot more than he did a few days ago. Baby steps.

 

Ben’s a lot less shy about showing affection now- or at least, he doesn’t actively flinch away or tense up. Instead he’s been making a point to try and make contact at every chance, a kind of desensitization of sorts. It was common Gwil would be doing something, whether it be reading for uni, getting ready to go out, or mucking around in the kitchen, and then he would feel firm arms wrap around him, it was almost always from behind, and Gwil wasn’t really sure why. If it wasn’t a hug, there’d always be a brush of shoulders or a soft pat, something to physically connect them, even if for a few seconds. Gwil’s glad Ben is making and effort, making an effort to make himself more comfortable, more designed for living in the real world again.

 

Gwil bit his lip, thinking of Ben’s physical contact desensitization reminded him of what the blond had said last night. They’d been curled up on the couch, eyes tiredly staring at some documentary they were watching when Ben had spoken up, had talked about being tricked and manipulated, made to believe he’d found someone who loved him- who cared for him. He spoke of being eased into a false sense of security by soft eyes and bright smiles and the intoxicating feeling of being adored. Then he found himself cornered and escapeless, betrayed by the one he trusted and sentenced to nothing but misery for the foreseeable future. Gwil had almost lost it then, the horrendous facts all laid out in front of him plain as day, and for the first time he thought of hurting someone, of hurting whoever had done such a thing. He’d hugged Ben until the blond couldn’t breathe, until he was sure that all the emotions he was feeling translated so that the younger man understood, understood that Gwil would’ve done anything to save him sooner.

 

Drifting back to the present- thoughts of sad greens eyes on his mind and tears stinging where they threatened to spill, the brunet laid back against the thick dried leaves, the litter crunching under him as he got comfortable. He was more grateful than words could express to have been able to help blond, even if only a little, he was so incredibly thankful that he could watch Ben so free and careless and truly in his element like he was right now- mucking around and laughing like he was built to do. It made his heart ache in his chest and each breath come with difficulty for a moment before he was able to reel in his overbearing emotions. They’d promised each other less crying, and he intended to try and keep that promise.

 

If he could never leave this moment- laying in the cool, fresh air, Ben gliding through the air above him, wings long snow-white streaks and hair looking like spun gold in the early sun, his laughter filling the space and making the brunet’s heart feel a mess in his chest- he would be eternally happy. He wished they never had to leave, never had to run back to his home and hide like spooked meerkats, never needing Ben to face so many demons when he closed his eyes- demons that made him scream and smack at his own head like brain damage and headaches were better than the horrors that sat in the crevices of his own mind. No, this- this was perfect, and if he could he’d never change it.

 

He blinks the thought away, wishful thinking got him nowhere- if it did he’d be able to walk Ben down the main street, showing him all the things he’d cruelly been forced to miss out on, show him that there was more to life than four walls and never-ending hiding. His eyes glance to Ben, the blond pausing his little game to slowly lower himself towards the ground, dropping lightly onto the leaf litter next to Gwil.

 

“Penny for your thoughts?”

 

“Not worth your money, was jus’ watching you and wishing I had wings as well” Gwil lied with a chuckle, Ben looking unconvinced but carefully laying himself down next to the taller man without question. They share a look for a moment, and Ben hums, telling Gwil that wings aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

 

“Thanks for bringing me out here again, I know it’s risky and you feel guilty about it, but it means a lot for me… that house can get so claustrophobic sometimes, y’know? Even with all you’ve done to keep me entertained, it’s nice to get able to get out and literally stretch my wings” Ben mumbles after a moment, his eyes flickering over Gwil’s face, a soft little smile tugging at his lips. When he looks away, the brunet can feel their hands brush a moment, no more than the slide of pinky fingers, but enough to have Gwil’s cheeks heat and send his heart into a frenzy.

 

He edges his hand away but doesn’t get far before Ben is firmly grabbing it, fingers lacing together, the blond staring adamantly up at the sky, his face turning pink. There’s a strange tension in the air, but neither of them moves to separate their hands, Gwil filling with nerves but not trying to move it away again. He was going to own this.

 

“You ever feel weird? Like you really want something, _like really want it_ but every part of you is saying something different to what you’re feeling? Like, it makes you feel scared but so alive and it can go so terribly but you want it anyway…” Ben still hasn’t looked at him, and his hand is shaky slightly in Gwil’s as he speaks. He swallows thickly, taking in a deep breath before finally turning his head and looking at Gwil with big, round and slightly scared green eyes. “Do you understand that?” he asks, and for a moment the brunet finds it hard to breath. He did know, he knew so painfully well what Ben was saying.

 

He squeezes at the blond’s hand, nodding “yeah… I do, Ben” he rasps, his throat tight and skin burning. They hold eye contact, and a silent understanding passes between them- a sad, soberingly real understanding that leaves Ben looking away and Gwil biting his lips. Such a cruel arrangement of fate this was. It’s then that the angel shuffles closer, eyes locking on the older man, pupils blown and lips quivering, moving closer and closer until Gwil’s heart is in his throat and he’s leaning forward too, expecting, all the wrong parts of him thanking both heaven and hell.

 

But that’s when Ben’s head falls to his shoulder, a kick in the guts that Ben is the one with all the sense, and Gwil is no more than a blind idiot hoping for something that could throw everything back out of balance. He sighs, whether it’s relief or disappointment depends on which parts of his brain you ask.

 

And so there it was again, this dance, this balancing act they had, toeing the line between what was right and easier, and what was reckless but everything they wanted. It was a harsh thing to live with, but it was even worse to know that out of all the threats facing them, none of them came even close to the danger of them caving in to their own desires.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i got bored and made this bullshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now!
> 
> okay so i got bored and added in some smut just to keep some of you interested, the plot is gonna kick in next chapter, but until then have fun with this mess.

For a moment, all he can hear is the ringing in his ears, all he can see is a white haze coating everything and making his head feel sickeningly topsy turvy. Slowly, things start to clear, and the ringing refines into the consistent hiss of the shower, and he finds himself hunched over his desk, the edge digging uncomfortably into his ribs and his back aching the second he moves to stretch himself out. He must’ve passed out studying again- he really needed to kick the habit, otherwise later he’d hate himself for it.

Shakily, he gets to his feet, grimacing as he strains and stretches, joints clicking and head aching satisfactorily for a moment as his muscles loosens themselves. Blinking away any vestiges of mist clouding his vision, he starts towards his room, it’s dark outside still, though when he looks to the watch still around his wrist, the numbers are all fuzzy, the hands moving both too slow and too fast for Gwilym to focus on.

 _Jesus, how tired am I?_ he wonders, blinking his eyes madly for a second or two, stumbling towards the stairs. His head is still spinning, and he clings to the banister for dear life as he makes his way up, he felt weird, very weird. As he reached the top of the stairs and kept walking, the sound of the shower only grew louder and louder with each step. He thought for a moment how Ben washed his feathers, did he use product? Did he leave them to do their own thing? So many questions.

The brunet was broken out of thought by the sudden shutting off of the water, the house falling silent, that’s when Gwil rounds the corner and sees that Ben has left the door to the bathroom wide open. Frowning, he lets out a low sigh and trudges down the hall, he’d have to pass the blond on the way to his room

When he did, he was relieved that by that time, there was a towel covering Ben’s modesty, but nevertheless, Gwil tried to keep his eyes stuck to the ground “come on, Ben, you gotta close the door, we’ve gone over this” he notes, and he can feel his skin crawling under the blond’s gaze. He moves to close it but receives a dull thump in response, Ben’s hand having moved to press against the door, holding it open.

“Leave it” he orders, and moves into the doorway, now their eyes meet, and a shudder runs up the brunet’s back, something is off about this- about everything, and it’s not just the way that Ben is looking at him like a bloody meal. “It wasn’t an accident, I-I want to let you know how…how thankful I am… of you” he adds, taking a step forward just as Gwilym takes a step back. He hates how something stirs low in his stomach at the other’s words, at the look in his eyes.

He grits his teeth a moment, squaring his jaw and furrowing his brow, whatever was happening, he wasn’t going to risk anything, he couldn’t, not after all their progress. Ben must be sick or something, he’d never say this, act like this. “I- you don’t owe me anything, Ben, it’s alright, I’m just gonna go to bed” he says sternly, holding the blond’s eye despite the way it makes his skin feel electric. He didn’t know what he was playing at, but he wasn’t going to encourage it, no matter how much the illogical parts of his mind wanted it.

“Can I join you? I won’t bite, promise” Ben asks as Gwil starts away from him and towards the safe haven of his room. He mulls over the younger man’s words, pausing a moment, he wants to say no, to take the safe route and hide himself until he knows he can trust himself, can trust himself not to let any funny business occur. But then he thinks of the nightmares, of Ben being left alone with only the demons in his head, he thinks of what it did to him, left him a shell of himself, a shaking, sobbing mess that sought out self destruction and torment. He swallowed thickly, looking to the ground and then to Ben, he had no idea what to say, he didn’t want to assume the worst of the blond, but then he also didn’t want to risk any night terrors, any relapses.

“Get changed- properly” he mumbles and doesn’t catch the smirk as he turns and moves towards his room, heart thumping and skin tingling. When he finally slips under the covers, he doesn’t feel at all tired- a fact that annoys him, maybe if he went to sleep right away he could save his head a world full of worry. But he can’t, he’s wide awake, and when Ben slips into the room, mercifully clothed and hair still damp from the shower, Gwil stubbornly keeps his eyes stuck to the ceiling, watching the blond only from the corner of his eye.

He’s not sure how long they lay there, neither tired but both dead silent. Gwil’s eyes on the ceiling and Ben’s eyes on Gwil, he’s never felt the way he is right now around Ben. The tension in the air and lingering between them feels charged and dangerous, and he strains to fight off all manner of ideas trying to break into his mind.

It’s silent and then it’s not- suddenly there’s the slide of clothes against bed sheets and the heavy breathing of Ben, punctuated by a confused exclamation from Gwil as he finds his lap full of the blond. His head is spinning and he’s completely frozen, hands against Ben’s shoulders, holding him back, but his bodies betrayed him and now there’s nothing to change Ben’s mind. “Ben, what are you doing?” it’s a stupid question, but Gwil has nothing else to say, no other defence mechanism, the rest of his being has completely abandoned him, has given in almost like he has no control over it at all. He’s panicked- he knows he’s panicked, why does he not feel panicked? Why isn’t his heart thumping in his chest and his hands shaking? What was happening?

“I said I wouldn’t bite… my mouth can do plenty of other things” the words send a shock right up his spine, and he feels feverish and needy where Ben’s fingers start working at the drawstrings of his sweats. He has no control, he realizes this when his hands drop limp to his sides, he’s in his body but he has no control- did Ben lie? Were two huge wings not the only freaky part about him?

When he speaks, he can barely get the words out, his mouth determined to shut and stay shut, “you- regret-don’t-want-you-regret” he manages through gritted teeth, and all he catches is a laugh and a reassurance that he won’t before there’s a wet heat around him and he’s left crying out, back arching up, hands fisting in the sheets. This wasn’t happening, this couldn’t be happening, but now his headis  moving and he meets determined green eyes and stretched, spit-slick red lips, it looked fuzzy around the edges, some of the blond’s features blurry in places, but he could feel it, feel it in every zap of energy and tense of muscle.

“Oh, Ben, I jus-huh- just want what’s…best for you” Gwil hated how much he loved it, how intoxicated he was by the slide of the younger mans mouth around him. They were being foolish, and he lived for it. Ben drags his tongue up the underside and for a moment everything goes white and blurry, he forgets how to breath and all that exists is Ben’s mouth and what’s inside it, everything else is a non-factor.

Sliding off a moment and letting his hands do all the work, the blond hums “You’re what’s best for me, we’re what’s best for each other” he rasps, voice sounding off but Gwil much too blissed out to take much notice anymore, he just lays back and relaxes as the angel put his mouth around him again. He can feel it in his pelvis, that growing pressure, each slide of lips and tongue making it build ever faster, his hips buck up against the wet tightness and he chases it, hunts it down and seeks it out.

Then, just as he reaches his peak, everything disappears- everything disappears and he’s suddenly jumping up with a gasp, hands madly patting the space around him, he’s alone, so mercifully alone, left with an empty bed and a painful stiffness between his thighs.

“Thank the fucking lord” he gasps, a wave of relief washing over him before he comes up with a less than ideal conclusion, “I’m going crazy.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i try angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now!
> 
> the pacing is going to be off and a bit messy because im not sure how long im going to be able to continue writing (might hiatus for a bit, not sure)

He hadn’t been able to go back to sleep, even after laying in his bed for the better part of an hour, the dream had woken his mind right up, and there was no way of silencing it in that quiet house, especially with Ben in the next room over. Instead of wasting more time, he’d gotten up and was now in the process of doing a little shopping, nothing important, but Ben had requested some groceries the other day- some healthy stuff for his ‘growing muscles’ (in Gwil’s opinion, they already looked pretty grown) and who was Gwil to deny him that?

 

He also needed the distance, he was still in shock that he’d dreamt of something like that- that his brain had deemed it appropriate and totally logical to conjure up. Gwil had thought he’d been doing great to conceal whatever feelings that may have arisen- but evidently, he’d been fucking wrong in that assumption! He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face as he makes his way up the street, he really needed to sort himself out, Ben didn’t need any more complications than he already had.

 

Gwil is broken out of thought by a harsh voice from behind him, unable to help himself, he slows his movements to listen in, concerned that he may have to break up a fight or something. What he hears is way worse. “Excuse me! Yes, have you seen- seen this short, odd looking boy? I seemed to have…misplaced him, he can’t function on his own, he needs me- come on, woman! Curly yellow hair! Huge blue eyes, big fuck off wings?” Gwil feels his heart drop at the words and he comes to a complete stop, he knew it had been too quiet, that it was all too easy. The only thing he can find solace in is the fact that they don’t seem to know where he is, hence the aggressive asking around.

 

Gwil forces himself to move on, but he only gets a few steps before there’s a hand against his shoulder and he’s being spun around to face the man. He almost chokes on empty air when they face each other- down one side of the guys face runs a long, thick cut, stitched together by an amateur no doubt. It doesn’t take a genius to know it must’ve been Ben’s doing. The guys asks the same questions that he did a few seconds ago, and Gwil has to fight off the urge to knock the fella’s lights out, dully answering with a flat ‘no, sorry about that, hope you find him.’ The words taste foul in his mouth, and he strains not to say it through gritted teeth, he wants this man gone before he does anything reckless and stupid.

 

When the guy moves on, Gwil hangs back a moment, chewing the inside of his cheek, considering his options, but he doesn’t wait for his logical side to kick in, no, instead he starts after the man, hungry for answers, desperate to know more, for Ben’s sake.

 

It’s no easy task to stay hidden when you looked like Gwil, but luckily for him, the guy is so busy interrogating other people than he seems to not notice much else, unlike the tall man himself, whose eyes quickly pick up on a threatening outline from under his shirt. Meaning the brunet can follow him from a safe distance, ears straining to listen to every word. Not five minutes later, the man turns into an alley, leaving Gwil to lean against a wall on one side and try to listen in as he regroups with what can only be his associates.

 

“Nothing? Bastard must be hiding out somewhere- we should’ve cut his damn wings off when we had the chance, that way he would’ve made a fine punching bag… I’d love to see him get ripped to shreds now, shredded like my fucking face” Gwil took a small pleasure in having his suspicions confirmed, at least Ben got in one tiny bit of revenge in that. “His feathers are better off shoved into my bloody pillow- how can people not see two huge fucking white wings? The asking around isn’t doing nothing, I want patrols around the neighbourhood, get the dogs on it if you have to, I want every pair of eyes in this shithole city looking for him? Go sort it out!” Gwil’s moment of glee dies in his throat, and he shoves off the wall immediately, legs moving quicker than they have for a while as he makes a run for his car, this wasn’t good, this really wasn’t good.

 

If they weren’t serious before, they certainly were now, hellbent on hunting Ben down, on hurting him- killing him if need be (the gun in the angry bloke’s waistband had told Gwil as such). He shoved the gas pedal down as far as the law would let him, they needed to move, they needed to get out of this city somehow. Would they have the borders covered? Did Ben even have any documentation to get out and away somewhere? So many ideas with so many flaws made his head ache, and he barely shut the car off before he charged out and into his house, heart a panicked mess in his chest and brain working itself into a meltdown.

 

“Ben? Ben! Ben, where are you?” he called out, voice shaky and each word ripping harshly from his throat, when he found the blond making himself morning tea in the kitchen, he ran for him. “Ben! Ben, I was- I was out and… men, they- they- after you” he couldn’t get a whole sentence out, both his mouth and his brain were so out of synch that by this point even basic function was a struggle. “Want- want to hurt you.”

 

Ben’s face wore a myriad of emotions, from confused, to concerned, and now downright psychotic, and Gwil barely had seconds to jump in front of him in the blond’s bid to run to the door. “I’ll kill them, I will, let me go Gwilym! You shouldn’t be involved in any of this, let me deal with my own problems!” he growled, shoving the older man off him and trying to make another leap for the door, but he’s once again foiled by the panicked brunet.

 

“Please don’t go, please, we both know you can’t- there’s too many, please stay! We can find somewhere safe to hide- they’ll give up eventually!” Gwil suggests, and Ben makes a low noise in his throat, trying to get out of Gwil’s firm grip on his shoulders.

 

“That’s not how it works and you know it! I never wanted anyone else involved in the first place! Eventually they’ll find out, they’ll come get me and I’ll have to live knowing someone like you was hurt or worse because of me! Even if I get out what am I going to do? Life for people like me is bullshit, I have no future, so what does it matter if I go out protecting you from me?” Ben explains, voice raising as he gets more and more worked up. He makes another charge to get past and instead finds himself wrapped in strong arms and shoved against the counter. He gives a defeated sob and goes limp, the gravity of this whole shitstorm finally hitting in full capacity, there’s no solution. None.

 

“I don’t want you involved, Gwil”

 

“Well I’m sorry but it’s too late for that… you’re stuck with me” he breathes into the others shoulder. He knows he should let Ben make his own decisions, but the thought of the blond running out and being taken back to whatever hellhole he’d been in was almost too much for Gwil to handle. The thought of him getting shot on sight and having his wings ripped from his body however proved a vividly terrifying second thought.

 

“Remember that first night when I called you a fool? I don’t take it back, you suicidal maniac.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bittersweet minus the sweet

When Ben retires to his room that night, mind full of Gwil’s terrified voice and so many questions he can’t concentrate, he already knows what he has to do, what has to be done for the benefit of both of them. He trusts Gwil, but he also trusts himself, and his own judgement, so, he lay there, eyes stuck to the ceiling, heart pounding in his chest and ears straining to hear the click of the door to let him know the coast is clear.

It’s a stupid plan, and things could go terribly wrong, but he knows he can’t just sit here and do nothing whilst Gwilym tries to live out his hero fantasy and act like sitting ducks until one day their door is being busted down and the house becomes a mess of screaming and blood and guns. Ben swallowed thickly, just the thought of it was enough to make his blood heat and legs itch to move.

Then he’s getting up and goes straight to the dresser (full of a mix of inherited Gwil clothes and a few the older man had been insistent on buying), though he wasn’t really looking for shirts, he needed belts, big belts- like the ones his parents used to use. He needed to get his wings under control, now more than ever, even the slightest thing that looks off could have him fucked from the very beginning. Now was not a time for wishing for the best.

Doing it alone is difficult- very difficult, and it hurts. When he was young, his parents would be careful and take their time (not to mention there was two of them to do it) and it was never as sore as this. But, Ben needed to make do, and if he had to bear a little pain in exchange for somewhat of a leg up over those trying to capture and enslave him or worse, than it had to be worth it.

Once he was satisfactorily bound, despite the already dizzying ache in his shoulders, he didn’t look nearly as suspicious as he had before, and after slipping on a thick hoodie and a scarf for good measure, he started his mission. He knows he’s being risky and stupid for going out, and he feels bad for doing exactly what Gwil begged him not to do, but he’s his own person, and he can do whatever his judgement deems necessary. He needs to go out there and sus it out himself, see what action needs to be taken- whether or not Gwil likes it isn’t part of the equation, survival is survival.

Every step felt damning, like he was one step closer to game over. When he snuck past Gwil’s room, he peeked in a moment, eyes dragging over the sleeping figure. He felt an uncomfortable tug in his chest, and he felt bad for sneaking out like this, but it was the only way he can take precautions to try and keep them both safe. He can feel a goodbye on the tip of his tongue, but then he’s shaking his head- he can’t think like that, he needs to trust he’ll be okay.

As he makes his way out the house, he toys with the idea of having to leave Gwil, and whether he’d be able to if he did. The fact of the matter was that they’d been living together for a while now, they were companions, and yeah sure, Ben could be pretty dependant at times, but he liked to think that if it was a matter of Gwil’s safety, he’d be able to turn around and disappear without the other, leave them to live their own lives (no matter how long, or how short they’d be).

When he steps out, the air feels so much colder than usual, and his skin shivers despite being covered by warm clothing, and with every move his wings strain and ache against the leather digging into them, holding them in. It made him feel humiliated, made him feel ashamed of himself, even if the logical parts of his brain screamed that it was a vital precaution now more than ever.

He keeps to the shadows, the dark paths, weaving in and out of alleyways and looking over his shoulder every few seconds. Considering there were a pack of criminals allegedly out and about, everything was eerily quiet- quiet enough that Ben could hear his heart thump against his chest. He almost wished something _would_ happen just so he wasn’t left in the dark silence.

He finds himself thinking that perhaps Gwil had lied, or had just been hearing things, though the thought is quickly distinguished when he hears the first voice around one of the corners. He recognises it, and just hearing the tone sends a shudder down his spine and a shock of heat into his blood. Peering around, eyes straining through the darkness, he can spot a few blokes, all intimidating and carrying serious heat. It looked like they were about to take on an army rather than one guy with wings.

What with the dead silence of the streets, Ben has little trouble listening to what they’re saying- they’re mad, very very mad- they’re sick to death of chasing him around, sick of traipsing through forests and every abandoned nook and cranny of the town. They’re sick to death of being made a fool of and by the sounds of it, they’ve only just figured out he might be hiding out with a local (a titbit that Ben would’ve thought might’ve been discovered sooner…apparently not).

Despite his amusement at their apparent incompetence, it’s quick to die in his throat when he realised this meant they’d be targeting houses- targeting Gwil’s house, asking around and doing whatever’s necessary to get an eye on everyone. Who knows what lengths they’d go to- round the clock monitoring of course, would they break and enter? Lord knows they were capable of it. Slowly the odds dwindled until any hope Ben had was a charred pile in his mind.

He’d been right, round the clock monitoring and patrols, with orders to shoot on sight- to shoot Ben on sight, they were way past playing games, way past letting him play them for fools. This threat was enough to get Ben turning tail, his skin crawling, almost as if he expected himself to be shot any second. He has to leave, he can’t stay, he needed to gather essentials and tell Gwil- he couldn’t just leave him without notice, that would truly rip his heart out, and after everything he’d done for the blond, he just deserved better than abandonment.

He hops the back fence rather than going in through the front door, what with people apparently patrolling the streets he couldn’t take any risks. Already is head is filled with desperate ideas to let Gwil know he has to go, has to leave him to save him. None of them are particularly nice, and nothing ends well in any of them, but he needed to do the hard thing to do the right thing. He’s not sure how long he has before men come banging the door down either, but he knows the longer he waits, the harder still it’ll get.

He makes his way up, up toward Gwil’s room, a sombre heaviness hanging over his head, goodbyes on the tip of his tongue and leaving a bad taste in his mouth. Pushing the door open, he shuffles into the room, eyes on Gwil, the brunet looking peaceful and worriless in his sleep, Ben wishes he could only feel the same.

He shakes the other awake, and after a moment, he earns himself an annoyed grumble and a ‘wha? Oh, Ben wha’s- wha’s goin on?” he sounds confused and a little worried, and Ben swallows around the lump in his throat, he can’t do this, but he has to. He wished he could just melt into the other’s side, fall asleep with his senses filled with Gwilym, but he can’t, he can’t because it’s a matter of life or death.

“I have to leave- I’m leaving” the words leave his mouth before he can realise what he’s saying, and it hurts, each word felt like razor wire in his throat. “They’re serious, and we’re both in danger if I stay” he doesn’t even know if Gwil is following, the brunet just stares up at him with wide eyes, sleep still glazed over the disarming blue.

Then Gwil’s speaking, no more than a ‘no’ whispered into the quiet air between them. Ben is nodding, and he feels numb. “No, no stay, please we can… don’t go” he’s reaching for the blond now, and the latter takes a step back, the hand dragging through empty air. He hates this, hates feeling so attached to someone- he should’ve known better.

“This is my choice, and when I’m here you’re not safe, and I can’t stand here and wait for them to find me.”

“Where will you go?”

Ben grimaces, running a hand up through his hair, “I don’t know, but I can’t stay” he mumbles, voice weak and eyes downcast. He can’t face the look on Gwil’s face- the look of betrayal and hurt, it would be too much, and he might truly lose it then.

He steps forward then, heart shaking in his chest, and he presses a quick kiss to the other man’s lips, no more than a brush, quick enough to neither enjoy it nor hate it, a thank you for when he knows words cannot express it. Then just like that he’s leaving, turning around and walking out that door, not looking back.

Gwil wants to chase him, wants to grab him and hold him, not let him leave, but he’d offered the younger man his freedom, said so many times he can leave if he wished. It’s too late now to go back on it- so he remains there, watching as he disappears into the hall. He listens for the shuffle of clothes, the slide of drawers, to listen how long before Ben is gone and in complete control of his own destiny.

When the door to the backyard opens and closes, Gwil feels nothing but an all-encompassing numbness.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> self control? dont know her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now!
> 
> I just wanted to mention quickly that despite the lack of responses to your comments, I do read and appreciate all of them, for some reason I just find it very difficult to reply.

Gwil wasn’t sure how he was supposed to get on with life now, act as if Ben- someone who’d grown to be one of his closet companions- hadn’t walked out, knowing it could very well be the last time Gwil was ever going to see him. He was stuck in a lecture, getting out of the house and coming to do work had been the most painful experience of his life, the feeling off loss and phantoms lips against his a heavy, crushing weight a top his shoulders.

He hates how he let him leave so easily- despite all the times he’d said Ben could leave whenever, he hadn’t been expecting him to actually do it… he supposed a part of him assumed they’d be in it together till the end. In hindsight it had been a foolish assumption. He wonders where the blond is, whether he’s safe- does he miss Gwil? Miss the companionship, the closeness? Questions such as these chewed at the brunet’s mind until they were dismissed, he’d done no work- how could he?

Though, a spark has lit itself in his mind, the thought appearing from nowhere, but catching quickly, and he soon finds himself walking with a purpose. He had to find Ben, he had to help him, but he wasn’t going to try and hunt him down blindly, he needed a plan, and he needed to have a clear escape route for the blond. He wasn’t sure why his mind had gone to who it had gone to, but Gwil wasn’t too proud to admit that that person was his only choice.

He found Joe exactly where he thought he’d find him- the art studios, hassling this poor bloke called Rami (Joe wasn’t even taking an art course, he was just desperate). When the brunet finally found him, he paused a moment to catch a part of their conversation for a second.

Joe was milling around in front of Rami, trying to show him how much of a good model he would make, how artistic he could be if he tried, how he’d considered getting into the art game but realized he was a better reference than he was a creator. Gwil rolled his eyes, now it was Rami who needed saving. He called out for the redhead, and he swore he saw the man trying to paint what seemed to be something distractingly abstract let out a sigh of relief at the sound of his voice. Joe responded with an annoyed ‘what’ and Gwil asks to speak in private, hating how distressed and weak his voice sounds, but thankful that it makes even Joe feel inclined to agree and leave poor Rami alone.

When they’re out in the hall, Gwil takes in a deep breath, even thinking about talking about Ben is nearly too much, but he knows he needs help, and that Joe knows a lot more people than Gwil does, if anyone has heard anything, Joe will know about it. “Okay, please don’t ask questions, it’s a long story” the taller man prefaces, and Joe looks unsure, but nods in agreement after a moment. Gwil smiles thankfully, and then explains his situation- that he needs to find a wanted man (though he utilises very exaggerative air quotes around the ‘man’ part, hoping Joe would catch on that he may or may not be a mutant) and somehow help him get away from those trying to hunt him down.

Joe considers his words a moment, his usually upbeat face looking almost shockingly grave. Then, after a few seconds, he nods, releasing the inside of his cheek from where it had been gripped between his teeth. “I know a guy who might be able to help- or he’d at least be a lot more of an assistance than I am” Gwil can feel his heart soar a moment and begs the redhead to take them to this guy.

Wordlessly, Joe starts walking away from the studios and towards the courtyard, Gwil follows silently, praying to every god he can think of that this person can help somehow. They walk in silence, up until Gwil frowns, a question balancing on the tip of his tongue. “Hey, Joe? Not to be a doubter or anything, but how do you know this person?” he asks, voice nervous, fearful for the answer he may receive.

Or rather, the answer he didn’t receive. Joe is silent, his steps speeding up a moment, and that’s all the clues Gwil needs to figure out that this person- someone who is supposed to be a big help in finding a man whose life was in the balance! This person was a hook-up of Joe’s! someone the younger man had gotten together with and now apparently trusted with another man’s life. Gwil was disappointed, but not surprised. Besides, at this point he was so desperate that he could only sigh and continue following. He couldn’t believe Ben’s wellbeing was partly at the mercy of a Joseph Mazzello hook-up.

As they move further and further towards the back of the campus, through the extensive courtyard, Gwil slowly realizes where they are- they’re wandering into where the mutants hang out, where they separate themselves from the mundane students to be amongst those who wouldn’t judge them, wouldn’t treat them like they were different. The brunet can feel eyes on them, and he picks up his pace, keeping close to Joe as they continue walking.

Eventually, he notices Joe slows down until they’re stopping in front of a -fairly- tall brunet man, his lips wrapped around a cigarette and his shoulders braced against the fencing that encircles the campus. There’re a few other mutants hanging around him, but with barely a second glance at the two humans, they move on. “Allen” Joe says curtly, an awkwardness radiating off the short man that makes Gwil feel secondary humiliation the likes of which he’d never felt before.

‘Allen’ is moving forward now, drawing the smoking stick away from his lips to repeat Joe’s name back to him, the smoke, hanging between them. Gwil is very unnerved and very confused.

“I hate it when you do that” Joe grumbles, frowning at the grey cloud swirling in the air in front of him.

Allen frowns, “oh darlin’ ya break ma heart” he teases but leans back to put the cigarette out against the fence despite it. “Anyway, what can I help you with this time? Something… risky, I hope” the tallest man drops his gaze to the ground, feeling like he’s intruding on… something (he isn’t really sure what though).

“My friend Gwil here has lost a mutant buddy, apparently he’s in a spot of ‘life or death’ trouble, I was hoping you’d heard something about it, I know you have a particularly good ear for news.” Gwil wonders to himself why Allen would know anything about that- how he would know anything about that. Then suddenly he feels the latter’s gaze on him, and suddenly his skull is filled with a resounding ‘ _this is why.’_

He was telepathic… an actual mind reader- of course he’d know everything about everything.

After chuckling at the startled look on Gwil’s face at having his mind invaded, he sighs “I haven’t heard anything about your… ‘friend’” the pause lets Gwilym know that this guy had obviously done a little more than just _talk_ using his telepathy. “But, I have heard that there are some seriously dangerous blokes hanging around packing serious heat- I’m assuming they’re what your pal is running from, correct?” Gwil nods, still a little shell-shocked from the mind fuckery that was going on. Then, it was like a switch had been flipped, and Allen had gone from a teasing little shit to absolutely serious man with the plan. “If you have any idea where he might’ve got to- if I can get close enough, I can try and seek him out, try and get a grip on his mind, track him from there. But, if you want to help him, get him to disappear until it all blows over, I also know just the person for that, too. But she doesn’t fuck around, we’d need literal wingman agreeable and under control before we see her, she doesn’t like none of that hero ‘decides that they actually have to face them head on at the last minute’ bullshit. But if all goes well, she and I would be happy to help another mutant escape abuse.”

Wow, Gwil had actually been ready to dislike Allen there for a moment. “They’re mutant fighters, won’t they keep going until they get him? Is there any chance they’ll give up? I want him to have a life, he can’t run forever, and I don’t want him to” Gwil felt vulnerable telling Allen all this, but they needed to trust each other, needed to work together to help Ben.

“Mutant fighting? Shit I thought this was just arseholes trying to get revenge for their own inferiority. Jesus, fightin’s a messy business, knowing now that it’s them trying to get him- who knows, we might already be too late, be just a big waste of time.”

Gwil takes that back, he doesn’t like Allen.

“We have to try, he’s a good guy, I can’t live my life knowing he could be rotting in some cage, or worse” Gwil exclaims, eyes boring into Allen’s, and he can see the Irishman mull over his words, weighing the likelihoods, the probability of this all being a waste of time for someone who might already be dead.

Then, he nods, and asks Gwil if he’s free for the rest of the day (he isn’t, but education can wait if there’s a chance of saving Ben, of finding him). Then, just like that, the search is on, and Gwil knows the perfect place to start.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the return?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now!
> 
> like an addict i've come crawling back. im on holidays for now so im going to try and wrap this up for the few of you that may still hold out hope in this series. so sorry ive disappeared, but im gonna try and finish what i started for yall
> 
> feel free to leave comments, i really truly appreciate them so much

“Gwil, I’m not one to knock a bird when he’s down, but if he’s foolish enough to go _here_ of all places _,_ then I don’t know how he’s survived this long.”

“We were careful all the times we came out here! Wrapped him up like a newborn baby to hide his damn wings until we were away from everything. These guys are thugs, not experienced detectives, they’re hanging about the neighbourhood- it’s never the smart ones that faff about trying to find people.” Gwil wasn’t sure whether he believed himself, but pessimism had never gotten anyone anywhere, right?

It was just he and Joe in the car, Allen wanted to travel separate, no prizes if you can guess why. Gwil wasn’t sure how this was going to end, or if it would end, after all, they could’ve killed Ben by now, nobody would have any way of knowing, Ben would disappear as suddenly as he’d appeared that rainy night when Gwil found him broken and scared in his front yard.

“Stop here, we have to walk the rest of the way” Gwil stated, he hoped to all things holy there was something here, something they could use, something Allen could use. He just wanted to feel like there was hope, like he might be able to see him one day. He missed that goddamn blondie.

“Walk? You made the guy with wings walk? No wonder he ran away from everything, couldn’t use his own goddamn wings” Gwil knew Joe was trying to lighten the mood, turn the tension into funny quips and smiling through the pain, but all it gave Gwil was a bitter taste in the mouth. He strained not to let his annoyance reach his face, but given the way Joe fell quiet, he knew his attempts hadn’t worked.

They moved in silence, and the quiet crunch of leaves from behind them let them know Allen was slowly following, and judging on how Joe kept shaking his head like he was trying to knock something loose, the brunet was having great fun using his mutation to the hinderance of others. Gwil let his steps speed up, his nerves wanting them all to hurry up and actually start the search.

“Hey… hey!” Gwil had been prepared to keep going, ignore Allen’s calls, assuming it was just the mind-reader hassling Joe for one reason or another, but suddenly he was in Gwils skull, _‘Oi you fuckin idiot turn around!’_ that he couldn’t argue with, the yelling from inside his head enough to make his brain feel ready to combust. When he rounded, face twisted in agony he was met with both Joe and Allen standing stock still, eyes glued to the crushed underfoot leaf litter. Gwil let his eyes rake over the ‘path’ confused as to what they were both staring at when he found it.

A trail, a red trail almost imperceptible unless you were looking for it. “Is that…” he murmured, and Allen finished his sentence, blood, it was blood.

“Looks like whoever it belongs to was tryna stop it from leaving a trail. Gwil didn’t know how Allen knew that, but he wasn’t about to question it, almost nobody else used this trail, and if anyone in this area was to be seriously hurt, it could only be one person.

They all sped up, eyes glued to the ground, Gwil’s mind running a mile a minute, he wished he could move faster, but the trail kept going light, like for a moment whoever or whatever found a way to steep the bleeding, before forgetting again, letting their wound run wild with red before trying to cover it again. By this point the forest was so thick around them that stray branches veering into the path were spattered with random patches of blood- a reaching hand maybe.

Gwil feared the moment they saw a shape in the middle of the path, a stop to the trail ending in the body of something, but they followed and followed and by the time they reached where Gwil and Ben had hung around those few times, the trail was still going.

“Where’s it going? There’s just forest around here- I don’t wanna see a dead thing Gwil” Joe called out, voice ragged with nerves and his breathing loud amongst the quiet crunch of leaves.

“I can’t hear anything Gwil, maybe it’s just an animal” Allen called from the back of their line, his voice sounding distracted, like he was desperately trying to churn up something, a thought, a call- anything. His claims did nothing to slow the brunet’s pace, this was likely as good as it was going to get.

“There’s a ranger station up further! Old and falling to bits but still standing, m-maybe there’s something there!” he called back, and now he was finally running, he could barely see the old wooden building through the thick vegetation, but it was still there, the last bastion of Gwil’s hope. He could hear Joe and Allen calling for him to slow down but they were following, and Gwilym wasn’t stopping, he was close, so goddamn close.

He almost slid to a stop once he was in front of it. Between the hammering of his heart and the running he could hardly breathe, as much as he wanted to barge in, if there was something or someone injured in there he couldn’t just bust the door down unless he wanted to be attacked one way or another.

When his eyes caught the dark shapes of the dried blood going up the splintered steps, his feet itched to move again. By the time Joe and Allen caught up his foot was hovering over the first step, fingers of his right hand pressed to the rail, fingertips grazing over the harsh wood.

“Something’s in there, I can feel it, I would reach out but if it’s hurt I don’t want it to freak out more” Gwil felt a coil of irritance at the use of ‘it’ like it wasn’t Ben in there, like Ben wasn’t hurt and hiding to try and live another day.

Gwil started up the stairs slowly, each creaking dangerously under his weight, and when he reached the veranda it was no better. The building was barely holding on by a thread, the windows cracked and filled with thick vines of surrounding plants, the wooden half wall enclosing the veranda falling to bits and gone in places. When Gwil went to open the door he found the handle, chipped and weathered and covered in blood, his skin crawling when he turned it with some difficulty.

When he opened the door, his eyes fell upon the mess inside, old papers everywhere, furniture thrown about and practically decomposing. He let his eyes drift around, he could hear Allen and Joe timidly making their ways up the stairs. “Ben?” Gwil called out softly, the only response the hiss of wind through the shack, and as he made his way in further, he felt every step make a louder and louder sound on the worn floorboards.

There was nobody here.

* * *

 

There was somebody here, Allen could feel them, feel their pain, feel them straining not to scream out, hear them telling themselves, thinking to themselves not to make a sound. Telling themselves the bad people were here, that they were in danger, a lot of it. It sounded like the ramblings of a mad man, someone who hadn’t been doing well for quite a while.

That’s when he paused in the main room, Joe hovering outside and Gwil moving towards the far end of the cabin, and that’s when Allen looked up, looked up and in the corner, pressed into the top of the triangular-prismed roof, he met two scared, delusional blue eyes, both wide and staring at him like he had two heads. He looked terrible.

“Gwil…” the brunet was standing just a few centimetres in front, but his eyes were too stuck to the ground to notice the winged man wedging himself up at the top of the ceiling. “Gwil” he repeated more firmly, the scared boy still staring at him, the sharp talons on his wings shoved into the weak wood of the crossbeams, his feet hidden by grubby trainers shoved between said crossbeam and the slanted roofing.

When Gwil finally turned, looking lost and frustrated, responding with a firm ‘what?’ the boy seemed to give out, his exhausted and malnourished muscles loosening for a moment, his eyes turning unfocused a minute, staring off at something and nothing in particular, before each of his joints went limp, he swallowed thickly, before his body turned ragdoll, and he came falling from the sky, landing with a heavy bang onto the floor of the station, everyone jumping and Gwil practically falling over himself as he turned to see the blond heap unconscious in the corner of the room.

“Oh that really isn’t good” Allen exhaled before rushing to the boys side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know where to find me


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disc: If you are or know anyone mentioned in this fic I urge you to turn away now
> 
> okay so this is probably trash, but i feel like if you've been reading any of my stuff you're probably immune to it (i mean, the several last fics before i disappeared were probably dogshit tbh) but anyway, i feel like we're down to the last few chapters, the ending might not be ideal but it's all it got. anyway, we'll see what happens i guess!

“Is he dead?” Joe called as he ran into the station, having heard the bang and Gwil’s panic that followed. Allen had shoved the man out the way fairly quickly, he was no medic, but the last thing they needed was Gwil freaking out.

“No, not yet- but he ain’t far off” Allen breathed, carefully rolling him onto his back, manoeuvring the boy with his giant wings was a little difficult, but amidst all the chaos in the people around him, the mind-reader found it easy to become the cool voice of reason. Once the blond was on his back, Allen’s stomach turned “Oh shit, that’s nasty” he winced, eyes roaming over the hole in the boy’s side. Based off his basic education in human anatomy, he could guess that it was so far off centre it hadn’t hit anything important- just flew straight through him and out the other side. It looked fairly fresh, maybe a day or two ago? He’d been lucky he hadn’t bled out.

“He looks like a zombie”

“Thank you for your completely useless input Joe!” he snapped, seriously how was he stuck with these two when a man’s life was in the balance? Joe was ogling and Gwil was off in a corner of the room hyperventilating. “We need help, I don’t wanna move him anymore, not with these things anyway” he thought aloud, ripping what remained of the boy’s shirt off to shove against the hole in his side, there was still a slow trickle of blood oozing its way over his skin and Allen wasn’t about to risk not putting pressure on it.

“I know someone! I know someone!” Joe shouted after a moment and was flying out of the cabin in seconds.

“An actual doctor?” he called out

“Of sorts!” what the fuck did he mean ‘of sorts’? What had Allen seen in him? If this guy died, it was on Joe.

“Gwil… Gwil. Gwil!” he was seriously running out of patience with these two, on the third go the taller man seemed to check in and quickly rushed to kneel next to Allen, hands shaking as the brunet told him to keep the pressure on. He had to see what else they were dealing with here.

“Oh god Ben I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have let you go” he whimpered, voice shaky and his hands soon growing red and sticky with the blood that had managed to soak through the shirt turned rag. Allen felt a twinge of guilt at being so abrasive to the other man given his current predicament. This was ridiculous, these poor two men, poor Ben.

“Do you know who Joe’s going to?” Allen asked softly, eyes stuck to the unconscious boy, looking for any other wounds, it wasn’t like they could do anything if they did find something, but it made him feel more useful for the time being.

“No? I don’t think he knows anyone” Gwil answered, looking more and more pale by the second, and that was saying a lot considering he was paler than the passed-out guy that had lost more than enough blood.

The minutes went on and Joe was nowhere to be found, Ben had moved a couple times, a wince here and there, but he otherwise remained motionless, Gwil still holding the bloody rag in a vice grip against his side. Allen sat back, eyes closed, trying to find a way into his head, try and dig something up about what had happened. Whilst he did this he could hear Gwil whispering to him, as if there was a chance he could hear. Whispering words of regret and guilt about letting him go as easy as he did, about how he’d much like to get a proper kiss once he wakes up, because in his mind, all he could settle for was ‘he’s going to be okay, there’s no way around it.’

They’re just about to give up hope when Joe comes barrelling through the door, giving everyone a start. “I have a doctor!” Allen swore he could kiss him before he remembered.

“What did you mean by ‘of sorts’?” He asked, moving backwards as this ‘doctor’ rushed to sit next to Ben. He couldn’t be that bad, he had a little medical toolbox sorta thing.

“He’s a minor emergencies doctor, a friend of my brothers. And a friend of ours because he’s going to fix Gwil’s little buddy down here, aren’t you?” the doctor gave a distracted hum, already diving into his bag to address the slightly gaping hole in the guy with wings.

Allen was still a little sceptical, but the guy looked like he knew what he was doing. Though he wasn’t sure Gwilym agreed, given the terrified look in his eyes as someone faffed around with a possibly lethal wound.

“Okay, not to be the bearer of bad tidings Joe, I’m honoured you thought of me and had such faith in me… but I’m really not trained for bullet wounds” the doctor suddenly spoke up, his voice a bit frantic but hands steady as he carefully dabbed at the wound, antiseptic most likely- this kid was lucky if he’d been roughing it in here that he wasn’t infected.

“Just do your best, anything is better than nothing” surprisingly sage advice for the man that had said ‘he looks like a zombie’ to a man suffering a bullet wound.

“He looks pretty dehydrated, you guys really need to consider an actual hospital” the medic continued, and everyone in the room knew that, they knew that he seriously needed proper help, but they knew the risks.

It was silent in the room- dead silent, everyone watching this poor minor emergency doctor try and fix something above his pay grade. For a long while it was the only thing happening in the cabin, until Gwil spoke up, his voice startling the two others, whose eyes had been locked onto the mess of blood and bandages in the middle of the room.

“We gotta call them, I can’t watch this, he’s right” Gwil breathed, voice shaking, though not as much as the hand that pulled his phone out of his pocket. “The hospitals around here are… friendly, right?” Allen nodded silently, that wasn’t the problem and Gwilym knew that. The problem was who would see, see the bloke with giant wings that people had been asking around for getting wheeled into the hospital clinging to life. Nobody said anything as Gwil spoke into his phone, and when he hung up, Joe and Allen’s eyes were on him. “They’re coming, I told em he’s… y’know” Gwil trailed off, wiggling his shoulders. His voice was scratchy, like his throat was dry and tight and he had to try and speak around it. “They’re on their way, just said to keep pressure on it and all that.”

“Are they going to be able to even find us out here?” Joe asked, and Allen could feel Gwil’s alarm without even trying.

“Of course! There’s got to be a road for rangers or emergencies or something, I-I told them where we are, just calm down! Just… it’s going to be fine” Allen and Joe shared a look as Gwil’s voice raised, his legs moving so he could pace the length of the room, not be able to help was driving him crazy, Allen couldn’t blame him.

It was just starting to take long enough that Gwil was panicking Ben was going to die of exposure or something when they heard noise from outside, and the three men vacated the decrepit cabin to let the paramedics in, they could see the flash of lights through some of the foliage, which likely meant Gwil’s fearful assumptions had been correct. Not that that seemed to help him calm down.

* * *

 

Gwilym had thought he’d feel better with professionals here, but he didn’t. He still had a nagging feeling that it was too late, or that they were putting someone that was already incredibly in danger, in even more danger. He looked to the other two, after all, they were further from this situation and might have a more logical outlook on it. His thinking could be further from reality; both Joe and Allen wore a worried expression, Allen’s face growing pinched and his lips quivering as he chewed on the insides of both his lips and his cheeks. Joe offered a weak smile when Gwil looked at him, but even he could see through it.

The second the ambulance pulls out, the three men are hurrying down the path to where they’d left their cars, Gwil was anxious to be away from the blond, even safe wasn’t safe at the moment. He didn’t hear a word of complaint from Joe or Allen as they jogged along beside him, the three not slowing until they reached the two vehicles.

Joe was a bit of a wild driver, something Gwil had never appreciated until now, the brunet gripped the handle above the window tight, legs bracing him as Joe peeled out of the driveway and sped up the road headed for the hospital, silent and wholly focused on not getting them wrapped around a pole for their efforts. Allen was a few cars behind them, and with every turn Gwil looked back to check if he was still following, after a few times, he suddenly heard a loud ‘yes, yes I’m following’ in his skull, and the volume and sensation alone were enough to stun him into silence.

As soon as they reach the hospital, they can still hear the sirens of what has to be Ben’s van for a moment as he’s rushed in, scampering into the building, they’re stonewalled by the receptionist, and Gwil is ready to throw hands when her eyes go glazed a moment, turning unfocused as if gone into reboot. The next time she speaks, it’s to allow them through into the emergencies ward.

Both Joe and Gwil turn to Allen as they gingerly start their way towards the ward. When Allen finally acknowledges their staring, he shrugs, plastering on an innocent expression, “what? We’ve got an angel boy to protect.”  


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this was not beta read at all so apologies for any mistakes!!
> 
> insert regular disclaimer here
> 
> thank you so much to all of you that have left comments, i'm sorry i'm slow to reply to them but understand i love each and every one of them so damn much, y'all get all my fucking uwu's okay?!

The next time they see Ben, he’s asleep in a pure white room that smells of over-cleanliness and feels like yet another cage. The blond is asleep yet again and looks like he’s half dead, half alive. His wings are tucked carefully into his sides, positioned so that nothing is rubbing up against his side where a thick layer of bandages covers the hole in him. His arms are rife with tubes, fluids and nutrients being put directly into him, he’d been worse than they’d thought, nothing but running without food nor drink tended to do that to you.

Gwil hasn’t moved, by this point he’s practically decoration for the otherwise spotless room, Joe’s become nothing but a glorified caretaker, bringing him tea that he just stares at and trying to coax him out the room. Allen is sitting in the far corner watching the whole thing, waiting for the moment Ben awakes so he can easily rifle through that little mind of his, find out what happened- how much more danger he’d gotten himself into in the space of a few days.

He admired Joe, trying so hard for someone who was involved in something so serious, something that he had no part in and could so easily leave without any strings remaining attached. He pitied him almost… almost.

He let his mind wander to those passing by outside, either everyone was in the dark or they were very good at hiding exactly what they knew. Exactly who they’d told what they knew. Allen supposed even if they had told undesirables, who in their right mind would storm a hospital, rather than wait until they leave and are left out in the open, where nobody would notice them go missing in a dark alleyway? He swallowed thickly, and made his way to the door, pushing it closed before wordlessly returning to his seat.

He was broken out of an unfocused haze by the sound of someone sitting in the chair beside his, he startled at the sound, eyes flying up to where Joe had collapsed in the seat, looking exhausted after his babysitting routine. “How long do you reckon it’ll take for him to wake up? I’m going stir crazy.”

“You could always leave”

Joe fixed him with a stern look “You’ve always been cynical, but you’ve never been cruel- you know as well as I do that we can’t leave them” he sighs, rubbing over his face with both hands before pinching at the bridge of his nose, groaning slightly.

Allen let’s his tone soften, he knew Joe was right, he can’t be harsh for the sake of it, even in such a pessimistic situation, he needed to reel it in. “I could always wake him, but sometimes it can lead to undesirable effects for first timers- especially if he’s in the state that he is” Allen suggested, looking to the blond, his thick brows furrowed, he was fearful, even in sleep.

“What? He gets a jump?”

“No, he could have a panic attack, or y’know, he could completely flip his shit and try to take each and every one of us out because there’s something in his brain that he doesn’t want in his brain” Allen explained, keeping his tone flat, he saw Joe swallow thickly, sparing a glance at the man in the bed, Ben had been a fighter, a cage fighter- he’d have no problem taking them down if he was panicked, if he was blinded by a feral need to protect himself.

“Alrighty then… so if they do survive, what are you gonna do?” Joe asked, voice shaky a moment, the redhead clearing his throat midway through his sentence, looking a little paler than he’d been a few minutes previous. Allen sighed, the plan was solid in theory, but depending on what Gwil decides to do it could get very messy.

“Take him to my friend, she’ll get him out of the country, set him up with a new life, she has connections over the borders, kind of like witness protection for refugee mutants.”

“What about Gwil? C’mon you’re a mind reader, you know he’s not going to let him go again, they’re kind of like a tragic Romeo and Juliet for god sake” Joe asked, and Allen hated how he was right, this situation was as complex as they came.

“He can ask her, but if he’s not mutant she won’t do much for him, maybe tell him where Ben’s going… if I was Gwil I would go back to how life was, be happy with the fact that Ben was safe. He’s got a promising thing going on with his studies, abandoning that for one person seems illogical to me,” Allen explained, and he didn’t miss the longing look that crossed Joe’s face for only a moment, before he licked his lips and the emotions was gone, instead replaced by a chuckle.

“You never were the romantic type.”

“I was- you know I was, I’m just not someone who puts it above everything else”

Joe stared at him for a moment until they were both distracted by the shuffle of sheets from across the room, Ben had stirred, an arm blindly feeling at the sheets as his eyes blinked open. As soon as his eyes landed on the man next to him, a look of recognition flashed across his face. “Gwil?” he rasped, staring at the brunet who looked like he’d just won the lottery. His poorly hidden excitement was evident.

“Yes! Yes I’m right here, how’re you feeling?” he asked, shuffling his seat forward, letting his fingers gently skate across the blond’s forehead, pushing some straying hair back away from his face.

“Feel like I’ve been shot and starving for days” he winced, hand lightly resting on the side where he’d been patched up. “God that’s gonna leave a nasty scar” he mumbled, eyes still looking a bit dazed, his voice shaky, but he still smiled when Gwil chuckled at his comment.

“Well, you can add it to your collection, can’t you?”

Ben let his gaze zip around the room. When it landed on the two blokes in the corner, a look of fear flooded his features, his feet sliding against the sheets as he tried to back himself away, “who the bloody hell are they?”

“Calm down, calm down- that’s Joe, he’s my friend, and Allen, he knows someone who can help you- help you escape, okay? They’re not going to hurt you” he explained, not that it made the blond look any less thrilled to see them. Allen feels like he’s intruded for a moment, seeing Gwil fawn over the man, his hand having made its way to rest on one of Ben’s elbows, thumb running over the skin in long, even strokes.

“How can he help me?” Ben asked, the mind reader now engaged in a staredown with the blond, something told Allen they likely wouldn’t get along great, whether Allen was helping him or not.

“I know someone who can get you over the border on the down low, nobody will know where you’ve gone, she’s like a reset button, done it a hundred other times for other mutants in need.”

“You’ve got all the bloody answers, don’t you?” Allen knew it was more out of paranoia than genuine hate, but it still rubbed him the wrong way.

“I’d like to think I do” Ben glared, but the look lessened when Gwil whispered some reassurance to him, the blond absorbing the attention from the older man. Allen shifted uncomfortably in his seat, before he tapped Joe on the leg, Ben and Gwil needed a catch up. When Allen excused himself under the pretext of going to the cafeteria, Joe followed without a moment’s hesitation.

Both of the men are silent for a moment as Joe and Allen disappear down the hall, after a deep exhale, Gwil speaks up “what happened Ben?” he asked, voice soft and eyes unmoving from the blond’s tired features.

“I got caught” he responded, not looking at Gwilym and instead darting around the room. When the brunet pressed further, he glared “I. Got. Caught. I wasn’t careful enough- I should’ve stayed with you, happy?”

“I’m happy that you’re not dead! I was so worried about you, now we find you, I’ve found someone who can help, and you’re being a git to him” Gwil’s irritance mixed with the fear of the past few days of thinking Ben’s dead catch and burn out of control inside his chest, his veins feel like they’re full of fire and he grits his teeth to try and relieve some of the itching anger.

“I’m being a git because I don’t want you involved! I left because I couldn’t risk you getting caught up in the crossfire. Then I wake and you’re here again- you’re here and trying to meddle even more, get yourself in more danger! I fucking love you and it pisses me off that I could be the reason you end up dead because you can’t consider your own self-preservation!” Ben’s anger pours from him like a busted tap, and he’s shaking by the time he finishes his tirade, eyes reddened, and face lined with a scowl.

Gwil’s wrapping his arms around him before he can even process the others words fully, standing up out of his seat to embrace the blond, he feels smaller than he had last time, but that was probably thanks to the limited sustenance he’d had after leaving Gwil. The brunet can feel a deep ache in his chest as he holds the shaking man, waiting for both their emotions to simmer down. Ben’s arms find their way around his mid-section, fingers bunching the fabric of Gwil’s shirt where he grips him, face buried in his neck, breathing the older man in, relishing the closeness to someone he considered his closest companion for a very long time.

“Ben you’ve got to let me help you… you need to get out of here, Allen can help you do that- I could come once you’ve settled down, but I can’t let you go off on your own without a plan” he explained, still holding the blond tight. He pulled back a moment and their eyes met, he could see Ben was troubled by his words, still fighting the thought of Gwil involving himself. “I love you too” Gwil added, and then he was closing the distance again, except this time, their lips met, taking their sweet time, time they couldn’t afford when Ben had kissed him seconds before disappearing.

* * *

 

Allen and Joe, having finished wasting time at the cafeteria, had come to a harsh stop when they’d seen what was happening through the window to the room, the view partially obscured by half drawn blinds, but obvious all the same. Joe turned to him, looking between the brunet and the two men in the room joined at the mouth, it’s then that he sighs “that could be us but you playin’.”

“I won’t hesitate to turn your brain inside out.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> insert regular disclaimer
> 
> so, here's probably the third last chapter, i didn't beta read this one because wowee its a bit long. sorry if i'm not writing out every little interaction but i just want this finished and im trying me best. hope y'all enjoy
> 
> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!!

Ben was due to be discharged in a few days, his wounds having healed for the most part (narrowly avoiding infection and with a nasty scar to be remembered by) but by now unease had truly settled in. The three men had taken shifts, if you could call it that. It was mostly Gwil having to be dragged from the room to take a break at home, attend at least a few classes so he didn’t completely fuck up his future (the catch-up work, a pile which was growing considerably, sat in Ben’s room) and let Joe and Allen babysit for a bit.

Nothing had happened, and in the minds of those constantly poised for something to go wrong, it was worse than if something had gone down. The anxiety gnawed at all of them, and Ben went from restless to unbearable for two of the three musketeers that had found him. Allen had been probing around the blond’s mind carefully every time Gwil left the room, he’d figured out how Ben had gotten here- ambushed, most likely because his ninja skills really weren’t up to par. How he’d escaped- pulled some knowledge back from the fighting days, wasn’t too hard at all, followed by a lot of running.

He’d passed this information onto Joe, leaving it to the redhead to pass it onto his friend in a much more careful manner than what Allen could deliver. Gwil seemed pretty indifferent apparently, he supposed the brunet didn’t care how Ben did it, as long as he was still breathing by the end of it. Pretty logical thinking for the man that seemed ready to throw his entire future away for his little rescue.

When Allen had tried to ease the idea of maybe not abandoning years of hard study for Ben, Gwil handled it about as well as you’d think he would. Lots of denial, lots of ‘you know nothing’s.

“I’m not throwing it away, I can transfer! I-I can do the work online! He needs me”

“It’s not that easy and you know it! You’re not far off, he can survive until you’re done, if you move it could fuck up your progression, he’s a grown man, Gwilym, you need to look after yourself” he didn’t want to say it, but if Gwil abandoned what he had going here, what happens if it doesn’t work out? What if they don’t work out?

The passionate debate went on for god knows how long, the cafeteria staff had stop paying attention after the initial ten minutes of arguing, and there was a clear ring of empty tables around the two. They didn’t come to an agreement, Gwil had pulled the ‘go with my gut’ card. _More like go with whatever’s going to get my end wet._

Allen was quickly growing tired of the situation, of the people. Joe was the only one left that wasn’t on thin ice, which was about the last thing he’d expected. Wasn’t often you were stuck in a life or death situation and your ex was one of the only people you could stand to be around- if you could even call Joe an ex, that is, wasn’t like there was much of a ‘relationship’ of sorts.

Speaking of relationships.

“Gwil, I know you want to be there, but Ben has to get over the border himself, she’s only going to allow him on his own, not going to waste resources on the likes of worried human boyfriends” Allen stated, they’d all gathered together and Allen was going over the plan for when Ben was discharged the following day. “It’s only going to be me and Ben going to see her, you can meet us at the airport if you really want to but that’s as far as you can go, from then on it’s just him. He’ll have brand spanking new ID, passport, license, the whole shebang, brand new life laid out the second he lands. She has connections where he’s going, they’ll set you up real nice, Ben, you just have to cooperate.”

“How do we know they haven’t got people at the airport?”

“They might, but my associate has a way with blending in, she’ll make you up a bit, they won’t even know it’s you, trust me, she’s done this hundreds of times, you’ll be fine.”

Gwil looked more worried than Ben did, and he was the one that was in all the danger (not that there was any, he had full faith in Lucy to pull through, get the angel boy safe). “Will I get to see you guys ever again?” everyone knew ‘you guys’ translated to ‘Gwilym,’ and Allen shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“Maybe after a few months you could contact ‘us guys’ but you’re not going to be close by, you need to be far away from the fray, maybe one day ‘we’ could visit” he explained, and the fact that Gwil and Ben shuffled slightly closer together didn’t go unnoticed, nor the sad look exchanged between them. Allen wasn’t sure whether any of this would be true, after all, what was stopping Ben’s crazy boyfriend from hopping on a one way trip the second he found out where Ben was going to be put?

He needed to get Gwil to talk to Ben about it or get Ben to tell Gwil it’s okay if the older man lives his own damn life. It was ridiculous about how illogical these two were being.

Allen clenched his jaw, rubbing his hands together a moment on top of his knees, he can’t believe he has to play caretaker to these people. “Can I have a moment with Ben please?” he says, tone firm so that all parties involved know that it wasn’t really a question, he shares a look with Gwilym a moment before Joe practically hauls him from his chair, a few moments later, the mutants are the only ones left in the room.

* * *

 

Ben wasn’t going to lie, Allen unnerved him, didn’t much like the idea that he could sneak into Ben’s own head without him knowing or able to do anything about it.

But, it seemed he was the best chance Ben had at staying alive to see the new year.

“You need to tell him- you can’t let him go on being ready to throw his whole future away,” Allen starts, and Ben immediately sits up straighter in the bed, his side tweaking a bit but the feeling nothing compared to what it had once been, his wings needed a stretch, they’d been pressed up between his back and the mattress for far to long they’d grown stiff and ached with every move.

“He’s already sacrificed so much for you, he needs to know you’re not going to fall apart without him. He hasn’t got long before he’s free from the terrors of uni courses, and then I promise I can get him to you if you’re both willing, but you can’t keep him blinded by his own love.”

Ben swallowed thickly, eyes glancing to where the blinds were partly drawn, Gwil was trying to look interested in whatever Joe was going on about, but his eyes kept flicking to the door. Ben knew both of them would likely never feel something so strong as this with anyone else ever again, but the blond also knew it would rip his heart out to know Gwil had given something he was passionate in up for him. Allen was right, every single word that had left his mouth was right, and Ben’s chest ached with the knowledge.

He nodded, throat feeling tight as he tried to swallow around the lump “I’ll do it… thank you Allen, he needed someone like you- someone to take control for him. I hurt him really bad by leaving… I couldn’t do it again, I guess I was just waiting for someone to tell me I was right for not wanting him to _rush off_ and escape the country for me like the cheesy fucking romantic he is” Ben sighed, a smile working its way onto his face, he was really gone on that man, and that’s why he needed to do this.

“You’re a good guy Ben, I promise I’ll make sure he stays on the straight and narrow” the two men shared a smile, it felt strange- hopeful almost, like a part of Ben really thought this was going to be okay, all it took was a lucky bullet wound and an Irish mind reader and suddenly success seemed so possible.

When Allen left the room, he saw him pause a moment, talking to Gwil, before tipping his head towards the door. Ben could feel a knot of anxiety forming in his stomach, he wanted to get this right, wanted to sound hopeful enough that Gwil believed it would work out- they would work out. Ben grit his teeth, shuffling to swing his legs over the side of the bed, the tiles cold against his feet enough to leave his skin ridged with goose bumps. He couldn’t lay there any longer, couldn’t look so damn vulnerable.

When he stood, his wings sagged, joints falling loose a moment to stretch out the way they couldn’t previously. He practically purred as the tension was alleviated, muscles tensing and straining as they’re stretched, the ball of pain that had been sat on the lower nape of his neck thinning until he could no longer feel it.

Gwil almost had to double take when he walked in to find the room full of white feathers, he’d seemingly forgotten their size in the time they’d been hidden or otherwise tucked into his body. “Glad to see you standing” he mumbled, eyes running along the appendages, Ben flapping them cautiously a couple times before leaving them to rest half extended.

“Glad to be standing” his voice was so quiet, so nervous, he hated always feeling so nervy, feeling like he’s never going to be calm ever again. “Gwil… you can’t come with me- not now” he felt like he was ripping the words from his throat, and his brain was filled with the incoherent screaming of the parts of his brain that thought this was a terrible idea. “I just… burst into your life one night and you’ve been my caretaker ever since and I’d bloody hate myself if I let you continue to neglect your dreams and everything you’ve worked so hard for for me… please… live your life- I won’t be going anywhere,” he sounds like he believes it, and to an extent he does, believes that Allen and his colleague can really help, know what they’re doing- have done it a million times before, that by the time Gwil is finished his study, Ben will still be breathing and free for Gwil to come to. They’ll be able to be finally together, test out whatever had been growing between them for so long, be normal.

Gwil is silent, but Ben can see his throat working to swallow, and his bottom lip is hidden where his teeth bite into it, his eyes become lined with red and Ben his praying he hasn’t stuffed it up- he’s been doing too much of that as of recent.

He sees a nod, a slow nod, and then there’s arms around him, suffocating arms that pull him into hard chest and make him want to stay like this forever, never leave the safe, warm cocoon of the arms of a man who loves him- loves him so much he’s ready to give up everything to be next to him no matter what.

“Okay, I will, I will… god dammit Ben you never make it easy to be a romantic fool for you” he’s practically sobbing, a hand reaching up to card through the long blond curls, clutching him so firmly, face pressed into Ben’s shoulder. “Second I’m done here we can- I can see you again, nothing will be able to stop me” he chokes out a chuckle, and Ben nods, arms wrapping around his midsection. It was going to be okay, everything was going to be bloody spectacular.

* * *

 

Joe was seriously getting tired of being left out of the hospital room one on ones, when was his turn? He felt stupid standing out here with Allen in dead silence whilst Ben and Gwil seemed to be having a hectic heart to heart on the other side of the door.

He wanted a hug too.

He looked to Allen, and he could tell by the look in the other’s eyes he knew what Joe was thinking. The red head plastered on a hopeful smile. He wasn’t sure why the other was so cold these days, he used to be a riot to be around.

When Allen didn’t immediately back away, Joe saw it as his chance.

Hugging Allen was still as good as it used to be.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to drop a comment or request down below, or hmu on my [tumblr](https://hardleeharlee.tumblr.com/)


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